Agatha shrugged. It was interesting, he thought, how she could be so formidable, so ruthlessly efficient and yet so childish.
There was a long silence. And then, almost in a whisper, Agatha said, ‘Sometimes I’m not sure that Chuck is a good person.’
This was dangerous territory, for them both.
‘I think it’s quite normal to feel that way about your boss.’ Daniel hoped his tone was reassuring. He leant forward further. ‘Ore hasn’t been receiving only glowing reviews about him, but I think people generally think Chuck isn’t a bad person, just that he’s … particular.’
Agatha looked Daniel in the eyes intently and offered a kind smile. She looked down momentarily, and when she caught his gaze again there was something he didn’t expect to see in her eyes. He realised just too late what it was: longing.
Her lips only brushed his before his body caught up with his brain and he jerked away suddenly. For a split second they exchanged a shared expression of shock and then hers melted into embarrassment and his into vacancy.
He had overstepped, he had gone against his instincts, and he was paying the price. Of course she had misinterpreted his kindness.
This is what happened in the world of yachting. He’d seen it: the excessive drinking, the clumsy advances, the chaotic fallout. Drama, that’s what he’d seen in his eleven years on boats, and up until this very moment, he had managed to exist in its periphery. Now he was in the midst of it.
He stood up slowly, wary that any sudden movements might be misconstrued. He needn’t have worried. Agatha had lowered her head into her hands. She was completely still as he backed away.
‘Good evening, Agatha,’ he said. He could hear how coldand formal he sounded, but it was for the best. And then, when she didn’t respond, and he saw her shoulders begin to shake rhythmically, he added, ‘I’m sorry.’ Even then, the words were devoid of meaning, a triplet of silence-plugging syllables, before he turned and walked back to the wheelhouse.
Later when he was finally relieved from his shift by Dudley at 5 a.m., he found himself unable to remember anything specific from their interaction, apart from the fact that it had happened. He knew that he had spoken to her about Chuck and tried to comfort her, he knew she had tried to kiss him, but he couldn’t recall the exact words or even what her face looked like up close. It was as though his brain had decided to simply erase this strange anomaly, as it was such an outlier.
Daniel was not a good sleeper. Most nights he would find himself reaching for his phone to play, ironically, ‘ocean sounds sleep aid playlist’. The room had to be blacked out and still he would wear an eye mask. On this particular night though, he got into bed, turned the light off, and before he had time to think it all through, he was asleep.
