‘Daddy.’ Tali is normally a happy-go-lucky kid. I got lucky. Even when it was just me and her, when she was the length of half my forearm and I could fit her head in my hand, she cried rarely, was soothed easily. Yet her voice wobbles with a hint ofsadness. Being a kid is great, until itreallyfucking sucks, because all your friends are out getting their nails painted with their moms, and yours is nowhere in sight. Maybe I don’t know what that feels like. As a matter of fact, right now, I can name one other person who does.
‘I just wanna go with Jordan.’
My heart twists and turns and breaks in half. Colt’s text about proving me wrong swims in my peripheral.
‘I can ask her when she’s free.’ I stop Tali as we just exit the doors to the community centre. I kneel down on the sidewalk in front of her, my sweet girl; the look on her face is that of a kid growing up too fast. Her tiny shoulders hitch with emotion. My throat constricts. I press my hands to her little cheeks.
‘Daddy, you have those callouses,’ she sniffs.
‘That is a very professional word.’ I manage a smile. ‘For a very professional girl, all grown up. Asking me to go riding.’
‘Iamgrown up!’ she protests, and I nod with a laugh.
‘You are, champ. And that’s why I gotta let you have more strong women in your life who you can learn from.’ I ruffle her hair, which doesn’t work as well as I think, what with that bubble braid I’d put in, but she giggles, the desired effect. ‘Like Jordan. So yeah, you can go ride with her. Just tell me when. And be safe.Capisce?’
‘Capisce,’ she repeats. I exhale in relief when that wobbliness leaves her voice, her face starting to glow with excitement. ‘I love you, Daddy.’
‘I love you, sport.’
We walk back to the car, and everything I just said to Tali sticks to my teeth like sugar after a can of soda. She’s starting to realize she needs more strong women in her life. It’s easy forme to tell her that. Now it’s time I believe it. Believe what Colt said. I text him before I start the car.
Me: Where do I even start?
Three little dots. He’s typing.
Colt: Ask her on a real date, goddamn it. And just watch. Let her prove you wrong.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Full of Surprises
Jordan
Ipeer at myself in the mirror of my guesthouse bedroom with nothing short of a healthy dose of scepticism. Maybe it’s a little bit odd, but the bright orange of the dress I’ve chosen is one of my favourite colours. It has ruffled straps over the shoulders and is open in the back save for a bow across the top of my shoulder blades. The skirt flares out, falling at my ankles, perfect with a pair of flat sandals for the walking we’ll no doubt be doing. I mean, come on. If this is the city, we’re going to find some distant parking garage and then rough it to the restaurant.
I adjust my Guadalupe necklace with a sigh. My fingers flutter at my neck before falling away.
With a death grip on the sides of the mirror in front of me, I grumble, ‘What are you doing, Jordan?’
I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m controlling myself. I mean, it was fine when it was just sleeping together, right, which is my personal happy medium. That’s my comfort zone. But something definitely shifted after that camp wedding. And now this …
The girl in the full-length mirror looks back at me, all decked out like it’s date night. Because it isactuallydate night.
I’m not sure which is worse: the fact that Rod spontaneously asked if I wanted to come to Friday’s Sicily Night at his sister’s restaurant right after camp today, or the fact that I said yes. I can’t say I knew what drove him to ask. However, if he asks why I accepted, I am prepared to say I was hungry. I was also eager to find any excuse to spend more time with him. Because maybe, it will help me figure out what in the hell is going on with me. But I won’t be admitting that to him anytime soon.
I wish feelings were more like lacrosse. Lacrosse is so straightforward. Strategy. Move the ball. Score. Emotional dumpster fires are anything but that kind of straightforward.
I glare at Jordan in the mirror again. I roll my eyes. ‘What’re you lookin’ at?’
She doesn’t reply, of course. I scoff. Then I slide the set of gold bangles on my right wrist off, drop them on the vanity, and grab my turquoise cuff instead. I screw my mouth up to one side. Is this good? I don’t know. This is what May is for. But in my heart of hearts, it feels better, I decide.
With another spritz or two of my favourite perfume, the smell of lavender and lilac is in the air, and I take a deep breath, before realizing that was adumbidea and promptly hacking away like a lifelong smoker. God. If I’m going to be a hot mess this entire date, I wouldn’t be surprised if Rod decides hisfeelings have taken a U-turn and he’s going to have to pretend he doesn’t know me for the duration of our lives.
I check my phone, my pulse already quickening in anticipation. Last text: a little grey bubble from Rod, my big pink heart bobbing up at the top of it.Be there in 10, as of nine minutes ago. I’m going to combust. At least I’ve got one minute to get it together.
A punctual triple-rap at my door changes that best-laid plan. ‘Seriously?’ I mouth, head thrown back in exasperation. God. Couldn’t this guy have been five minutes late? I’m probably in the minority of people who’d ever have that kind of plea.
‘Coming!’ I shout back at the door, mid-aggressive-throw of the nearest pillow on the little couch. I heave a sigh of relief. Oh, thank goodness. There’s the purse. I snatch it up, toss a strand of hair out of my face, and rush to tug the door open.
