‘Yes, please.’
‘Sent,’ Siri chirps, as if this is all a great thing and not the potential undoing of what I thought was my responsible dad era. No shaking up Tali’s life. No taking chances that might not pan out. This era, obviously, was drawn out before Jordan.
I take a turn out into the big park district parking lot, where Tali is just wrapping up her karate class. Something scratches at my finger when I wrench the steering wheel around to get my minivan into a tight parking spot. The little paper ring the kids made.
Jordan in a sparkly plastic crown with flowers through her hair like something out of a Disney movie.
The extra-loud slam I give the door when I get out of the car snaps me out of my trance quickly enough. Not that I’m not still thinking about the fucking camp wedding.
My phone pings as I head for the front doors to the community centre. It’s Colt, naturally.
Colt: Is this another Jordan situation?
I jab back a reply.
Me: Unfortunately. There was a fake camp wedding. Thrown off the deep end.
Colt: GROW A PAIR.
Colt: Feelings are normal. You can tell her.
Me: I think the reason this thing has been working is that neither of us is emotionally available. You know?
Me: Telling her would ruin it.
It feels more finite when I see it in text. Neither of us is emotionally available. Obviously that’s how impulsive flings work. The goal was never long term. It was always this. I mean, Jordan leaves in – what – three weeks, when camp ends?
That thought isn’t one I’m ready to cope with. I nearly run smack into the set of double doors to the gymnasium in the community centre, catching the attention of an elderly woman heading down the stairs from the treadmills. She goes wide-eyed with concern. I shoot her what I hope is a reassuring smile.
Colt: That’s what I thought. But it worked out.
Me: You’re one in a million. Might not work out for the rest of us.
Colt: You deserve better bro.
Colt: I know you love your kid and I know what happened with Charlotte was awful.
Colt: But you have to trust that there might be a woman out there who can prove you wrong.
The sounds of chattering kids and instructors nears once I reach the second court, where class is just wrapping up. A lump grows in my throat as I read Colt’s message, and I stuff my phone in my pocket: avoidance. Time to switch on Dad Mode.
As all the kids in their white karategishead straight for their parents, I follow the template, big grin and open arms. Dad Mode is a setting I’ve perfected over the past few years, but it’s no less real. I do it because my daughter is my everything, and I refuse to let the drama I’m dealing with touch her.
‘Tals!’ I exclaim as she crashes into me in a blur of white and her newly earned green belt. Today, I finally figured out a new hairstyle for her before I left for camp in the morning – the bubble braid, which I think might be a new favourite. ‘Did you have fun?’
‘Yep,’ she confirms, as usual. I grab her Crocs from the little wood rack in the corner and place them in front of her so she can slide them on. She takes my hand as I thank her teacher, after which we start the walk to the lobby. At this point, she blurts, ‘I wanna go ride with Jordan.’
‘What?’ I try not to let the shock show in my voice, but it definitely comes through. Our matching strides fall slightly out of step when I stall. ‘How come?’
‘She’ssocool, Daddy. She knows all about horses.’ Tali sighs, tugging at her bubble braid. ‘And Riley and Nina said they went riding with their mommas before. Why can’t I?’
My chest tightens. Shit, shit, shit. Tali, as much as I love her, drops the mom bomb on me when I least expect it. Especially right now. And especially in this way. In the way that implies Jordan is becoming more than just Tali’s latest role model. ‘Your momma’s not around, champ. I’m so sorry, Tali girl. But—’
‘I mean Jordan, Daddy.’
Okay. So we’re beyond implying now.
‘You can go with Aunt Genny, Tal,’ I try. Please do not make me cross this line, Tali. ‘She can take you whenever you want, you know that.’
