“Okay, Noah.” Bri rolls her eyes but laughs.
“But... I am also a critical thinker, a scholar if you will. And you look upset. What’s going on in that gorgeous brain of yours? Why are you baking breakup banana bread?”
“I don’t know. We’ve just spent a lot of time together. We have fun. He’s fun to be around.”
“Not to interject, but I’ve met Aiden. Is fun something he knows how to be?” Noah asks.
“He is a little scary. I’ve met him.” Jane supplies.
But he’s not. He’s... sad. Sadder than I think he wants people to know. He just hides it behind this hardened exterior.
Not with me.
Those late-night drives, the soft conversation . . .
He makes me feel good. Wanted. Even while telling me, he wants nothing to do with relationships. It’s like his walls of iron melt when it’s just the two of us.
“So, how did all of this end up in a kiss? What state of undress are we talking? Was there any under-the-clothes fondling?” Noah slurps his drink. “For science purposes.”
Jane groans. “Please don’t answer that.”
I ignore my sister. “We were sitting on the hood of his car. We kept our clothes on. And I touched his stomach, that’s all.”
“Hot. Hot stuff.”
Those sweet little sounds he made won’t leave my mind. The way he looked underneath me, those violet eyes melting. It’s like he was searching for something. Or realizing something.
“It’s so fucking lame.”
“You’re not lame,” Noah says. “It’s not lame to want those things. You’re amazing.”
“On paper, Aiden is nothing like what I usually go for.” He doesn’t even believe in love or relationships. I date so much, or try to, and everything feels so hollow. Then Aiden just barges into my life and it’s like everything I’ve been trying to feel is there, magnified by twenty, and it’s with someone who doesn’t want any part of it.
I debate saying this next part, shooting an apologetic look to my sister.
“I need sex to mean more. I just haven’t found it. But the other night with him was exactly how I want it to feel.”
Noah finishes his drink. “Sex is messy and complicated.”
“I mean, I didn’t have sex until Cam,” Bo says. “Not because I didn’t want to. I just didn’t feel like it because I was in love withhim. I’m glad I waited, though, and I’m glad that I didn’t hook up just to hook up. That’s not me.” He looks at Noah. “Sorry.”
“I’m not. That’s not how sex is for me, though,” he says. “When I was away from home, I was getting it anywhere I could—safely of course. I’m not sure if everyone here knows this, but before Jamie, I was a bit of slut.” He grins. “In the best way possible.”
“You?! No.” Bri giggles.
He winks at her with a grin. “I don’t take sex seriously. For me it’s fun, and there’s no shame in doing it. But when I met Jamie, all that changed. I mean, it’s still as unserious as ever, it just means something now. The first time we slept together, it freaked me out how different it felt. I made him leave my room. Then I did what I do best and tried to fuck away the messy feelings in my chest. It’s not like we were in a relationship. I didn’t think he even wanted that. So I met some random guy. I can’t remember the details, they’re a bit murky. Something like he couldn’t get it up, I don’t know. It was kind of embarrassing for him. The details are very blurry.”
While he’s talking Bo is glaring a hole into his head. I’m shocked Noah can’t physically feel it. “Would you like a play-by-play? Because my memory is as clear as ever, unfortunately.”
I laugh as Noah places his hands on Bo’s shoulders. “Bo, we shared a magical night together.” He places a finger on Bo’s lips. “Don’t cheapen what we shared with facts and the truth.” Noah kisses him on the nose. “What I’m trying to say is that I freaked out because my feelings were feeling too much and I was afraid that Jamie didn’t want me. Maybe Aiden is freaking out too.”
While the journey to get here was in typical Noah fashion, he might be right.
Maybe Aiden feels it too and it’s freaking him out.
“I mean, you said it yourself, he doesn’t believe in relationships, but maybe that’s because he hasn’t trusted anyoneenough to try. Sex is easy. It’s when the feelings part comes out shit gets messy,” Bri says. “Been there.”
“Or maybe he’s just another asshole who’s going to hurt you,” my sister says. “I know you’re all trying to make him feel better, but if he’s hurting you, he might just be an asshole. He’s not worth your time.”
