I need a change.
“Sawyer?”
“Huh?” Oh shit. I wasn’t paying attention. I glance down at his unlocked phone. “What did you say? I spaced out.”
“I said...” He takes a sharp sip of water. “I didn’t have a meeting last week.”
“Oh, I thought you said you were busy. I assumed work. I must have misunderstood.”
He nods, taking another bite of his food. “No, nothing like that. This other guy I’m seeing was only available that night.” He takes another bite of his food.
“What?”
He stops chewing and covers his mouth. “What?”
“You’re seeing someone else?”
His dark brows pinch as he wipes his mouth on his napkin. “Well, yeah.” He shrugs. “I mean, we’re not official or anything. That’s what dating is, right?”
Yeah but, I mean, is he right? It’s not like we’re exclusive. “I mean, you canceled a date with me to see another guy. That doesn’t seem weird to you?”
“He was free and his schedule is insane. He’s busy.”
“I’m busy.”
“Are you?” he challenges. “I mean, when you talk to me all you do is complain about how dead your bakery is. You’re always free to talk at night. I didn’t think it mattered if we pushed it back a week. Were you busy tonight?”
My stomach sours. “Well, no, but?—”
“Then I don’t see the problem. You bake cupcakes for a living. Didn’t think it was that hard.”
My eyes burn, and I stare at my plate so hard my vision begins to blur. “I don’t just bake cupcakes.” I lift my gaze to him. “It’s a lot of work.” Just because I don’t work at some fucking hedge fund doesn’t mean what I do doesn’t have value. “It’s hard.”
The laugh that bubbles from his lips pisses me off. I’m used to this type of bullshit, though—growing up, in school, in college. I’m done. He’s so smug and he doesn’t even care.
“Oh, I’m sure.” He smiles, reaching across the table, but I pull my hand away. “Cupcake emergencies.”
“Fuck off.”
“Hey, come on. I’m sorry. I’m just joking. I wasn’t trying to make fun.”
“So you did it without even trying. You must be a pro.”
I have a few pet peeves. One of them is someone who masks insults as jokes when thejokesdon’t land like they thought.
I’m done with this.
I didn’t want to do it in the first place. I tried, though. Everyone around me tells me I’m too picky, but I need sparks. I need feeling. The perfect guy doesn’t exist, and while that may be true, I can’t settle for less than I want.
What’s the point in that?
I don’t need perfect. I just need perfect for me.
I need that feeling.
I’ve only felt it once before and that man broke my heart. I dated a guy in college for three years and it was amazing. Then he graduated, and I thought we were going to spend our life together. We were looking at apartments to live in after I graduated.
We had plans.
