Then he made other plans.
He met a woman during his residency and broke up with me. They’re married now with kids. I don’t know how many, but Jane told me this years ago. It still hurts.
I loved him so much, but the thing is, looking back there were signs. Looking back at our relationship, I know I loved him more than he loved me. I may seem picky, but it takes a lot for me to like someone, and that heartbreak made me sick. So maybe I need to lower my expectations, but I won’t date someone who chooses someone else over me.
I won’t be a second choice.
I want to be someone’s first choice. “I’m going to leave.”
“What?”
I put money on the table. More than enough to cover my food and tip.
“Are you serious? This is a little crazy. We’re not exclusive or anything. We just started talking.”
I catch our server’s eye and wave him over. He walks up to us, eying us both nervously. “This is for my bill and tip. Please keep the change. I need to go.”
“Oh yeah. No problem. I hope everything was good.”
“It was great,” I say tightly and stand, grabbing my hoodie. I look at Damien. “We may have just started talking, and I don’tcare if there are other people, but you canceled a date with me to go on one with him. Just date him.”
“He was available.”
“Right, and you decided I’d just be waiting around whenever you were ready. I am busy, you dick.”
Ignoring the looks from people around us, I walk through the restaurant and outside. It’s a little muggy out but it’s finally starting to feel like summer. I don’t drive—the last thing I can afford is a car—but luckily I don’t really need one. If I need to go somewhere, I usually just wait for Hunter and he takes me. I hate driving anyway. And Hunter insists he doesn’t mind. I used to take him places in college.
It’s about a twenty-minute walk to my shop. It’s not so bad out now.
I’ll walk.
The moon is full above me and lights the night sky. It’s a quiet town, but downtown is normally busy. I thought that by moving here I’d have a lot of foot traffic where my bakery is. It was good at my old place, but it’s never been busy here.
I’m doing everything right. At least I think I am.
I love to create new things for my window, but sometimes I feel like there’s no point. No one’s going to try them. They just sit for a while and then I end up giving the stuff away to my friends. It’s taking some of the joy out of it.
I don’t know how to do anything else, though. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. My mother owned a Thai restaurant, and I loved to help her cook, but it wasn’t until she helped me bake a birthday cake that I fell in love with baking.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but if I can’t turn this around, I may need to find something else.
It’s about nine now, and the sun is nearly gone. I love summer for this reason. I hate it in the winter when it’s dark by four. I always asked her why she couldn’t have emigrated tosomewhere warm like California or Arizona. My mother hates the heat, though.
Hated. I mean, she hated the heat.
It’s still hard to think about her in the past tense when she’s the most influential person in my life. She taught me everything I know about being a great baker, cook, and person.
And now she’s gone.
I shove it away. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t even want to think about it. Even with the sting in my eyes, I can’t cry. I don’t know why. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Jane was sobbing, Hunter cried too. I just can’t.
Jamming my hands in my pockets, I head down another street. I have so much to do next week. Two weeks isn’t much time at all. What if I do all this work and no one shows up? I guess I’ll know for sure if I’m a failure or not.
I just want to bake for people.
It’s quiet on this street until I hear a car turn down the road. The headlights bloom in my path and my chest tightens. There’s no one else around right now. My spine stiffens as I hear it slow to a crawl, and my chest becomes tighter, but I look ahead and mind my business.
In my periphery I see a beat-up blue car slow to a crawl and then hear the windows roll down. “Sawyer?”
