It’s like everything I’ve ever wanted.
But I’m deeply unhappy.
I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’ve been in love two times before, but I’ve never been in love like this. I have to keep working to stop thinking about it. I can’t stop. If I stop, I think. And when I think, it’s only of him.
His absence is so heavy it weighs on every part of me.
“Are you alright?” I look up and realize Mrs. Ramirez has been talking to me.
“Oh, yes. Sorry.” I fake a smile as big as I can manage. “Just tired is all.”
“Well, get some rest. You can’t burn yourself out.” She looks around me. “I thought you hired help?” Hearing her bring up Aiden hurts too much. It’s like a punch to the chest.
“Oh uh, they quit.” She eyes me a moment, understanding in her eyes.
“Ah well, that’s a shame.”
“I’ll get someone in soon,” I say absently. I don’t know what that would look like. I don’t want anyone else here. I miss him. Sure, he’s a dick a lot of the time. Blunt to a fault.
He’s also kind.
He’s cute when he sleeps or when his body is wrapped around mine. He’s so touch starved and clingy, that hard shell melts away revealing a man who just wants to be loved. Even if he doesn’t understand it himself.
Holy shit, I need to stop thinking about him.
I put the desserts she chooses into a box and wrap it with a bow. “I hope you and your granddaughter have a nice visit this week.” I smile.
She returns the gesture. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?”
I need to not feel Aiden in every breath I take. “I’m okay, really. I’m so busy now it’s amazing.”
“Well, if you’re sure. Just don’t work yourself too hard.”
“I won’t. You have a great day.” I wave as she leaves then hear the bell again after a moment. I think it’s her again, thatshe forgot something, but then I see Koda walk into the bakery without Katya. “Where’s Katya?”
He smirks. “She’s safe. Don’t worry.” He looks around the bakery. “Can we talk for a minute?”
I nod, letting him come to the back. This is so weird. Unlike Katya, I see no resemblance between us and Koda. His hair is gray, and I wonder if that’s natural. His eyes are also a pale blue, almost silver. “I look like my mother.” He laughs. “I see you trying to piece it all together. Thank god we don’t take after Ivan, right?”
This is all so weird and awkward. “This is just a lot. I don’t know.”
Koda leans against the wall, nodding. “I know.”
“You didn’t know, right?”
“About you, me, and Jane?” I nod. “No, I didn’t. Really gross, I hit on my sister.” That makes me laugh. “Does Jane know?”
I nod. She came up to visit last week and I told her everything. I had Hunter and Jamie with me, and after the initial shock, all she wanted was to see Katya. She’s coming next week and I want them to meet. I want to know how much that little girl knows. “Does Katya know?”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “It’s been an adjustment. It’s just unbelievable.”
“What do you want to talk about?” And please let it not be him. Although I wonder how he’s doing, where he’s sleeping if he’s not still in his car. He’s slept in there for years. No! I won’t feel bad for him.
“I want to talk about Katya.” He takes a deep breath. “Look, I know this is a lot but... she needs a place to stay. I... fuck, I can’t let her go into the system. I can’t. I also can’t care for her.”
“Wasn’t this Aiden’s grand plan? Why hasn’t he taken her?” That concerns me more than anything.
