Hunter
She misses you too.
I somehow doubt that. I can’t imagine a world where anyone misses me, but I appreciate the sentiment. After saving the photo and video to my camera roll, I slip my phone back into my pocket without responding.
By the time I get home, I’m exhausted—what else is new? I don’t bother with a shower or dinner. Stripping down to my boxers, I crawl straight into bed.
I make sure to set my alarms for the following morning, my eyes damn near falling shut before I can manage to get it done, and plug my phone in. Hopefully I’ll wake up to them.
1 week later (late April)
Work was isolating, driving home the loneliness I feel here like nothing else. There’s a constant string of people, sure, but it doesn’t feel like it. Everyone seems to exist in their own world while I exist in mine.
We don’t interact. Not in any meaningful way. Not with a real smile or a warm laugh. Nothing beyond them staring blankly at me while I stare back. Sometimes, I’ll get a thank you. Most times I don’t.
It’s just never-ending monotony. I’m tired of it. What’s the point of it all?
After forcing myself to shower, I crawl into bed and grab my phone. I should text Luca. I’ve tried to text him once a day—even set a calendar alert on my phone to remind me. It’s neveranything of substance. Just a quick hello or asking how his day was.
He texts back. He always does. Sometimes he even talks to me about his book. It’s nice. I enjoy talking to him, and in some ways it’s easier to do through texts.
I don’t have to see his eyes this way. Don’t have to see the sweet smile he gets when he talks about Austin. It’s still hard, but somehow much easier when I don’t have to see him. When I’m not staring into the gray eyes of the person who causes me the most guilt.
Guilt because of Damien, guilt because of my jealousy.
He doesn’t deserve that.
With a sigh, I type out a message.
Me
Hey, I just got home from work and wanted to say hello. I hope you’re doing okay today.
His response is almost immediate. Sometimes it takes him longer, so he must either be home from work today or just not busy at the diner.
Luca
I hope you’re doing okay too.
My stomach does a violent flip. Am I doing okay? I’m working. I haven’t missed a day or missed an alarm or been too exhausted to go.
Sure, I don’t eat as well as I should, but don’t most people who work at gas stations basically survive on gas station food anyway?
Me
I’m doing alright. Can’t complain.
This time, there’s a lull in the messages, so I exit off and tap on Hunter’s name. He hasn’t talked to me since last week. Not that I’ve talked to him either.
I’ve looked at his messages a lot, though. There aren’t many. Just the video and photo of Lila and the short exchange we had.
Part of me wants to text him, but I don’t even know what to say. Anything I could say just feels like it would be bullshit. Odds are he doesn’t want to hear from me anyway.
With a sigh, I open the video of Lila and hit play, turning my volume up so I can listen to the laughter that rings out in the last second. When the video is over, I play it again, closing my eyes and listening to that chuckle. Each time it stops, I tap my screen, playing it over and over in a loop without opening my eyes. I can almost pretend I’m there this way.
When I wake up the next morning to my alarms blaring, it’s still open on my phone.
Chapter 13
