Present me is having a hard time even getting out the door to go to work.
ThenewgasstationI’m working at is just as boring as the last. I’m not sure why I keep working in places like this, but they’re a dime a dozen in the city, with one on pretty much every street corner. The pay isn’t anything great, but it would be enough to pay my bills if I hadn’t already fallen behind.
At any rate, they’re flexible with my hours, and I even told them about my mental health, which is something I never do. I’m hoping that it affords me at least a little bit of leniency, but I’m not counting on it.
I took Luca’s advice and talked to my therapist. Or rather, I scheduled a virtual appointment and showed up for it. We didn’t do much talking.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, pulling me back to the present, and after looking around to make sure no one is coming toward the counter, I take it out of my pocket.
My heart skips a beat when I see the notification from Hunter. When I tap on it, tears well up in my eyes.
It’s a short video of Lila. She’s out of the barn, nosing at the grass, and doing her little happy hops. In the last second of the video, Hunter starts laughing before it cuts off.
That’s it. Just a video of Lila, and my heart flies into my throat that he sent me something of the animals, just like he said he would.
My fingers hover over the screen while I think about if I want to write something back. I have to, I think. If I don’t, he might not send me any more photos or videos of them. Plus, it’s been long enough. I don’t want to lose the tenuous connection we have. My opportunity is right here.
Mind made up, I type out my message.
Me
She’s so cute. She’s grown so much in just a week.
I hit send before I can talk myself out of it, and then I shove my phone back into my pocket.
I help a couple of people with their purchases before taking my phone out to see if he’s texted back.
Ugh. Nothing.
Fuck. I don’t know what I expected.
While I’m holding it, another message comes in, and my heart flips wildly when I see that it’s from Hunter.
Hunter
She sure is. She’s so darn cute. Taken a real liking to head-butting my shins, though. Even left a nice bruise for me.
I read the message over and over, a stupid-ass smile on my face the entire time.
Me
Not good for your shins
Hunter
Not at all, but I love her, so all is forgiven.
He does seem like the type to forgive and forget. There’s a certain solidness to him. It was that solidness that I felt so safe in. Is that why he doesn’t seem upset with me? Is that why he’s still reaching out despite the way I acted?
Biting my lip, I try to figure out what to say, but before I can, another picture comes through.
This time, it’s a close-up of Lila. She’s moving, given the way her face is half-blurred.
No berating, no cold shoulder, just cute goat pictures.
Me
I miss her
