Benji looked at her as he slid into her, watched her eyes darken and then close completely when he sank to the hilt. ‘I’ll always come find you,’ he whispered.
Sierra opened her eyes. She roped her arms around his neck and drew him down so that she could whisper, ‘Promise?’ in his ear.
And right before he began to move, Benji replied, ‘I promise, Sierra.’
Chapter 17
The next morning, they woke up with the sunrise and made love again as the world slipped into light.
Benji loved her slowly, his every thrust calculated to excite her body and keep her thoughts at bay. He whispered all those words of love and approval to her, things like: ‘I love the way your body takes me,’ and ‘you’re so sexy,’ in between gentle, whispering kisses. And when Sierra tightened around him, taking him in, he increased his pace and pushed her over the edge before pulling out and, with one quick pump from his own hand, following her over.
He collapsed beside her, and when she didn’t make the first move, he did – always. He hooked his arm around her waist, pulled her into his body and curled around her.
The heat from their skin merged, warming them both. Sierra wriggled so that she was on her back and could look up at him. ‘You pulled out … Last night and this morning. You’ve never pulled out before.’
‘If we go back there,’ he said, his tone cautious, ‘it’s going to be because you choose to – and because you’re choosing me. Before …’
‘I’m on the pill,’ she said, not wanting to go back there.
‘You were on the pill last time.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘But my boys can swim.’
Sierra didn’t laugh as she knew he’d hoped. And although she understood that he was taking extra precautionsfor her, Mav’s words ricocheted in her head.
‘Benji …’ She took a long moment to rein in her frustration. ‘You can’t keep sacrificing the things you want for me. This is why I stepped back; you’re incapable of looking after yourself—’
‘I’m not,’ he said simply. ‘Because you’re the thing I want most in the world. After you, everything else is gravy – including kids.’
Sierra expelled a resigned huff of air. ‘Kids aren’t gravy. They’re the most important, life-altering decision a couple will make.’
‘Exactly. Acouple. I’m not doing it with anybody else.’ When she opened her mouth to argue, he leaned down to kiss her, stealing her words.
Sierra’s arms roped around his neck. She drew back, but only for long enough to say, ‘This is something we have to talk about—’
‘Later.’
Benji stroked one hand down her side, watched the indecision war in her eyes for only a moment before she replied, ‘Later,’ and pulled him back to her.
Afterwards, they huddled in the warmth of the sleeping bag with the tent flap open and drank their coffee side by side as the first hours of the day passed. Naked, satiated, and momentarily at peace, they talked, and for the first time in over a year, it was just conversation. No snapping. No reference to Before or After. Just casual, amiable ramblings about Nina and Mav’s wedding, Poppy, Markus’s break-up, and the resort.
It was nice, Sierra thought as she carried the bedding back to the truck mid-morning. It wasgoodto just be present with him again.
They drove home smiling, two people who had found a small respite after a difficult year, and if there was a niggling worry in Sierra’s mind that she had done something that couldn’t be undone, she stoically pushed it aside. For just a small moment in time, she wanted –needed– to embrace the quiet peace that being with Benji instilled.
Outside the ranch house, Nina, Markus, and Mav sat on the porch. Shadow, Mav’s dog, was curled at his feet, guarding him always. Despite the chilly morning, Poppy was ‘baking’ a mud pie by the garden hose. She wore one of Mav’s old shirts and rain boots, and Nina had put her hair up in a ballerina bun in the hope that it would stay clean.
All eyes turned to Sierra and Benji as they climbed from the truck, and because she wasn’t ready to deal with her family just yet, Sierra took the cowardly way out and went to play with Poppy.
She was already in sweatpants, and even if she hadn’t been, being raised on the ranch had indoctrinated her into getting dirty long before Poppy had started playing in the mud. She sat on the ground and said, ‘Morning, honey,’ as she started rolling a mud ball.
‘Hi Sisi!’ Poppy squeaked. She scooped more mud in her hands and pressed it into a cupcake tray.
‘What’cha making?’
‘Mud cakes.’
‘Any special occasion?’
‘Just ’cause,’ the five-year-old replied. ‘I wanted to go see Zephy, but Daddy’s too tired. And Neens doesn’t feel good.’ Poppy hilariously tried to mimic Markus’s feisty voice when she added, ‘And Markus don’t do wildlife.’
