“I shouldn’t say anymore.”
“It’s too late to go back. Tell me,” I demanded as if I had any say while she had my child in her arms.
“She didn’t have insurance and worried about the bill, but I took care of it after Pippa was born.”
“I should have taken care of it,” I snapped, feeling like adeadbeat dad. “Did everything go okay? I mean for Isla and the baby?”
“They’re fine now.” She kissed Pippa’s cheek.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I wanted to hear everything, and Isla didn’t seem willing to talk.
“What do you mean?” Alba asked, confusion on her face.
“I want to know more about what Isla went through during her pregnancy.”
“You should talk to her about it. It’s not my place. She’s proud, you know. She doesn’t like to burden anyone.”
“Yeah, I know.” It stemmed from her father walking out on her, her mom, and her sister. They had been forced to fend for themselves. Isla grew up not being able to depend on anyone. Even with me and all my money, she would order the cheapest item on any menu. It used to irritate me, but it was who she was. I appreciated her consideration even though I had more money than I knew what to do with.
Pippa burped and started fussing. “Shh, Mommy will be back soon,” Alba cooed. “Do you want to hold her?”
“No. I should wait for Isla.” I’d never held a baby before. I needed Isla to show me what to do. “I should go talk to her.”
“No. Just give her time.”
“If I give her time, she’ll close herself off to me even more.”
“Do you really want her and the baby?” Alba asked. I appreciated her directness.
“Yes,” I replied without hesitation. And a blink later, my brain went to:In what way?
A child should live with both its parents. But I never wanted kids or marriage. My heart raced as the fears that had crippled me since my mother died percolated in my chest.
If I love them, really love them, I will lose them forever.
A small smile appeared on Alba’s face. “I’m glad to hear it. She still loves you, but the past haunts her. She fears it will repeat itself.”
“I know her dad left when she was ten.”
“He abandoned his family. She said you don’t want marriage or kids.” Alba rubbed Pippa’s back, snuggling her closer. My daughter’s eyes were still on me, drilling into my soul. “What changed?”
“I didn’t say I want to get married. I just found out Pippa existed. I have a lot to think about.”
“To think about?” Alba’s voice hardened.
This conversation was about to go downhill. I didn’t know what in the fuck I wanted to do. I couldn’t talk to Roman because I needed to tell my dad about Pippa first.
Thankfully, Pippa started to fuss again. I welcomed the interruption.
Not a minute later, Isla appeared.
My arms ached to hold her, but I felt the iceberg between us. I knew this would happen. If she had time alone, she would compile a plan that didn’t include me, just as she had when she left. Isla believed she had to figure everything out on her own and deal with life independently because nobody could be trusted or relied upon. No question the aftereffects of her father leaving.
What had I done? Confirmed her beliefs and lost her trust.
“Are you okay?” I went to her, regardless of her stiff, unwelcoming stature. I didn’t touch her, though I wanted to more than anything.
“Yes. Thank you.” No eye contact, just a forced smile.
