Cazzo.
Pippa shrieked with a painful, almost desperate look onher face. It melted my heart again to see how much she wanted Isla. The bond between mother and child was a beautiful thing.
“I just need to feed her on the other side, then you can hold her.” Isla took Pippa into her arms, pausing as her and Alba’s eyes locked. I wished I knew their secret language. Alba gripped Isla’s elbow like a show of support.
Jealousy flowed through my veins. I should’ve been the one supporting Isla. Taking care of her. Loving her. But I’d fucked up. If I were honest with myself, I would admit I may never be what Isla needs.
Why couldn’t I be everything that she needed?
“Come. Sit.” Isla told me as she got comfortable on the sofa.
I sidled up beside her like before. This time, Pippa’s little round head was close to me. Her blonde hair was like Isla and I hoped it stayed that way.
“Smell her.” Isla nodded, running her hand gently over the top of Pippa’s head.
I did as she said. What else could I do? At this point, I would do anything Isla said. I sniffed my daughter’s little head, filling my lungs, and memorizing her intoxicating scent. I’d never smelled anything so sweet and pure.
“Give me your hand,” Isla demanded, though her tone was soft.
I reached my hand out, loving how she took it like it was second nature. Damn, I’d missed her.
She guided me to place my large paw on Pippa’s backside. No eye contact, just a forced smile. “Touch her warm, little body like this.” She demonstrated. “From her back, down to her foot.”
Pippa gazed up at me with curious eyes. I swear she knew that I was her dad.
I leaned into Isla, the draw to her more powerful than ever before. She stiffened, and goddammit, it made me feel like shit. But I ignored the edgy vibes she sent off so I could enjoy this moment with my daughter.
There we stayed while Isla nursed Pippa. I drank them in. The woman who owned my heart, even though I never admitted it, and my child who I instantly loved with a fierce protectiveness I’d never felt before.
How was I going to convince Isla to give me a second chance? I’d originally come here for her. She was my ultimate goal, but I got so much more than I expected with my baby girl, Pippa.
Even if Isla agreed, could I give her what she needed?
Could I give them both what they needed? If I could, would I lose them forever like my mother and Julietta?
Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed Pippa had stopped nursing. Isla held her against her shoulder and patted her back.
“Hi, angel.” I kept my voice soft. Her eyes brightened as she nuzzled her face against Isla’s shoulder. “Are you bashful?” This time she smiled. I touched Pippa’s hand, letting her wrap her little fingers around my pinky. “God, she’s beautiful, Isla.”
Suddenly, a healing power unfolded inside me. The cracks in my heart started to fuse together. I felt light and free.
Putting my arm around Pippa’s back, I found Isla’s waist. I gripped it and pulled them into my embrace. I kissed Pippa’s head, inhaled her baby scent, then pressed my lips to Isla’s temple, breathing her into my lungs. My whole world was in my arms.
Isla shuddered and pulled away. She was on her feet, hereyes wet and she exhaled a deep breath to calm whatever emotion had overwhelmed her.
“Do you want to hold her now?” she asked, a slight quiver in her voice. Clearly, she was battling something. The proof was in her avoidance of making eye contact with me.
“Yes, of course.” I swallowed thickly in preparation of holding my child for the first time. If she cried, would it mean she didn’t like me? Feared me? My heart would shatter if she rejected me.
“She’s not fragile, like newborns.”
“How can you say that? She’s so little.”
“I meant you don’t need to worry about supporting her head as you would a newborn.” She set Pippa on my lap and my baby girl relaxed in the crook of my arm and stared at me with a quizzical brow, similar to mine. “That’s it,” Isla said, encouragingly.
“What do I do now?” I felt like an idiot, never having held a baby before.
“Do what feels natural. What your heart tells you to do.”
