I catch the keys in my palm, feeling the heat of them burning through me. Benji looks between us, confusion etched across his face. I take his hand and tug him toward the truck without a word. Because Benji is Benji, he follows without asking any sort of questions. Just blindly trusting that I’m not going to drag him into the woods to kill him.
My hands shake as I get behind the wheel, even as we head toward the property I bought from Beau. It’s only about fifteen minutes down the road, but every mile feels like a million. Even the sound of Benji’s soft breaths has me on edge, my teeth gritted as I worry that maybe this isn’t what he wanted. What he pictured. I just want to give him what he wants. Everything he wants. After all, Benji gave me life. Can’t I at least repay him this way?
The gate is right where Beau told me it would be. The wooden fence wraps the property full of scrub brush and tall oak trees full of moss. Even in the winter, everything is so green that I can’t help but feel like this place is bringing me back to life as much as Benji has been. I hop out and unlock the gate with the keys Beau gave me.
When I return to the truck, Benji looks so impossibly confused that I can’t help but laugh. “You’ll see in a second.”
Benji grabs on to the oh-shit handle as I pull through the gate. I feel silly as I hop back out to close the gate behind us, but a little silliness won’t kill me. The sun is sinking below the trees as we continue down the heavily wooded dirt road. Orange and pink tinge the sky, while all the trees are deep green. Even the air smells more alive out here. Everything in my soul just settles. Everything is right for the first fucking time in my life.
I come to a stop in the middle of a clearing with flags dotted around it. The cascade of the river moving in the distance reaches my ears, along with the sound of the wind whipping through the trees. Even an owl hoots in the distance. I can see everything clearly, now I just have to paint the picture for Benji.
I come around the side of the car and open the door for him. His eyebrows rise into his hairline, but he takes my hand when I hold it out for him. Our fingers tangle together as I lead him toward the land that the contractor cleared just earlier this week.
“I brought you here to kill you,” I tease.
Benji’s laugh is warm and so familiar. “Well, have it at.”
I clear my throat awkwardly as I squeeze his fingers. “I bought this property from Beau.”
Benji’s eyes go wide. “Yeah?”
I nod slowly as I take a deep breath. “I bought it, hired contractors, and they’re going to start building our house next week.” I tug him along behind me to stand where our front door is going to be. “This is the front door.” I step through it and wave my arm around like the biggest fool on earth. “The entryway. Beyond is the living room that’ll face the river behind us. The elevation is high enough that during hurricanes we shouldn’t worry about flooding too much. But the insurance will be high anyway. And our bedroom will be in that corner.” I walk him over to the far corner. “It’ll have floor-to-ceiling windows so we can always see the trees and the sky. A bathroom with a clawfoot tub so you can bite me to bits, then soak me with your loveafterward. And there will be five bedrooms, plus a music studio separate from the house.”
“Nolan…”
I squeeze my eyes shut hard. “Let me finish. Please.”
“Okay,” Benji whispers.
“I thought a guest room would be nice so that Chris can visit, along with your moms. But I also thought maybe a study would be nice too so that we could have books and maybe a piano. I also thought maybe… I don’t know. Maybe a spare room if one day we need a nursery. Just, thought it might be a good precaution.”
“A nursery,” Benji says, sounding oddly out of breath. “Nolan, look at me.”
I shake my head hard. “Can’t.”
“Nolan.” Benji grabs my face in his warm palms and squeezes. “Look at me.”
When I open my eyes, I find Benji’s gaze so warm, so steady, that my heart skips a few beats in my chest. His love is so visible to me now, so healing, so true. I tip forward to press my forehead against his, needing to share my breath with him in this too-emotional moment. Everything we’ve been through to this point got us here. Gave me him.
“Oh, Nolan. I want the life you’ve painted so badly. I want everything with you. I’m so glad you see it now, angel. I’m so glad you see it. Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” I whimper.
And then Benji kisses me. The weight of his lips is as big of a promise as the house will be. He curls his arms around my body, tugging me close against the strong line of him. His heart beats against my chest, strong and real. Benji kisses me with such care and tenderness that I fall apart all over again in his arms, just to be remade when he pulls away to softly whisper in my ear, “Just us, angel.”
I breathe in deeply, living in the glowing, beautiful knowledge that my life is finally mine. Belonging somewhere never seemed possible, yet here I am now. The future spans before me with all the promise of Benji’s lips moving tenderly against mine. With Benji, I’m myself. Always just us.
EPILOGUE
NOLAN
Three Years Later
Benji is sound asleep beside me. Sometimes, I still get caught up in staring at him as he sleeps. Just the very fact I’m lucky enough to call him mine is an astonishing fact that I’ll never fucking take for granted.
A small snore escapes Benji just before he rolls over onto his stomach. The little hand-scrawledjust ustattoo on his rib cage still makes my lips twitch in a hesitant smile because a full-blown grin is trying so badly to break loose. Just us. Ironically my matching tattoo is on the only piece of bare skin we’d been able to find, on my ass, of course.
Izzy shakes out her fur and paws her way up the bed toward me, all puppy eyes despite being five years old. After giving her a few good morning scratches, I climb out of bed, tug on Benji’s hoodie, and take Izzy outside for her morning run.
