Harper waves his hand at me in this weird flourish. “Well, it’s easy to forget when you just lie in the hammock all chill.”
“So chill,” I mock as I poke him with my foot.
“Dinner’s ready!” Jackson shouts from the porch. “Stop touching. Leave room for Jesus.”
Just for that I lean forward, and tug Harper by the shirt until he’s lying on top of me in the hammock. I can all but hear Jackson’s furious whispering up on the raised porch. But I focus more on Benji’s ecstatic laughter. See, my man gets it. Harperkisses my cheek, then pushes out of the hammock to wander up toward his man. I watch as Harper lifts up onto his toes to kiss Jackson’s cheek.
Benji stands on the porch, leaning against the railing, eyes focused only on me. The weight of his attention always feels just a little undeserved to me. But I have to hope that with years and patience, maybe that feeling will go away. I feel a blush creep down my neck as I make my way toward him. The moment I’m within reach, he wraps his palm around my neck and tugs me close to kiss me softly on the mouth.
“You taste like cupcakes,” Benji murmurs against my lips.
“Shared one with Harper.”
Benji hums softly, face scrunched in thought. “Carrot cake?”
I snort. “That’s terrifying.”
Benji fondly shakes his head as he pulls away. “I know what you taste like, and what good carrot cake tastes like. Not that hard to discern.”
“What do I taste like?”
Crimson splashes across Benji’s face as he runs a palm over his own neck. “Like mine.”
And there goes my heart again. I hope Benji can always tear me down to the studs with one shyly muttered sentence. I step into his arms to hug him tight, letting my cheek rest against his own. I love him so fucking much. I don’t think I really lived before Benji. He made life so vivid and colorful, splashing hues across the dull pages that used to haunt my every waking moment. He’s the sunshine in my sometimes very dark mind.
We sit down at the table outside, with Eli and Trevor also in attendance.
“Where’re Beau and Colby?” Jackson asks as he sets the grilled chicken thighs in the middle of the table.
“Work trip,” Eli says morosely. “Sucks.”
“You could’ve gone with him,” Trevor points out.
Eli shakes his head. “I’m too distracting. He needs to focus sometimes.”
Jackson snorts in clear disagreement and rolls his eyes. “That man can’t focus if you’re within five yards of him. I doubt it’s easier when you’reawayfrom him.”
Eli’s eyebrows furrow as he thinks it over. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe next time… I’ll go with him.”
Trevor affectionately pats Eli’s cheek, earning him a glare. “You get it now. Beau’s just running a little late.” Trevor turns to look at me and winks when he notices Benji isn’t watching. Great.
I can’t help but look around the table at the group of people who have decided I’m worth pulling into their circle. This group of friends that have Benji’s back without blinking an eye. The same people that took me under their wings, somehow made this entire situation brighter than it ever could’ve been. My heart aches in my chest just at the very thought. I lift my hand to rub it and turn my head to find Benji staring at me like he often does. A year ago his eyes terrified me, how they looked right into me, seeing something that I couldn’t. But now when he looks at me, I know he sees Nolan. The real Nolan. The Nolan I always wished that I could be.
And suddenly I don’t think I can really make it through this dinner without falling apart.
I stand abruptly from the table, my chair skidding across the wooden planks of the porch. Everyone turns to look at me with confused eyes, everyone except for Trevor who wears a self-satisfied smirk. He nods ever so slightly at me and my heart swells again with what I can only assume is love. I grab Benji by the bicep, tugging him up even as he stares at me in concern.
“I have to show you something. Come with me?”
Benji grips my wrist tight, eyes flitting between mine. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, yes. I just—” I pause and blow a raspberry, wishing everyone wasn’t listening with bated breath. “I have to show you something.”
“Alright.”
Benji holds on to my wrist as I tug him away from the table, back toward where our truck is parked in front of the apartment. Just as we round the corner, Beau pulls up in front of the house. He hops out of his work truck and swipes a hand over his forehead.
“Hey! I was just looking for you.” Beau tosses me a pair of keys with a warm, crooked kind of grin. “See you later.”
