Benji’s own eyes glisten as he stares deeply into my eyes. “Nolan, wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you. You could ask me to go, and I wouldn’t. You’re stuck with me, okay? Don’t worry about that at all. Let me worry about everything else.”
“I want to be better. I want to feel whole,” I tell him, my voice shaking on the words.
His smile is tender and quiet, just for me. “You’ll get there, angel. We’ll get there.”
Then he kisses me again before tenderly washing my body. Nothing about it is remotely sexual, yet I don’t think I’ve everwanted him more. Because in these small moments, Benji shows how much he loves me. Our relationship is terrifying and new, but it’s so real that I can almost reach out and touch the emotions. I never thought a love like this was possible, not for someone like me. And yeah, maybe I don’t deserve it, but I can spend my life trying to, and I think that would be enough for Benji.
“It’s cold as balls,”I complain as we step out of the car at Harper’s place. It’s a sweet little farmhouse with white paneling, dark blue shutters, and a wraparound porch. The chatter of voices and laughter floats through the air as we approach.
Benji takes my hand in his, tangling our fingers to keep me warm. “I’ll warm you up.”
“By shoving me into the fire?”
Benji snorts. “I don’t think we’re committing a ritual sacrifice tonight, angel.”
Well, one never knows. When we round the house, we see a raging bonfire in the backyard. Jackson stands with his hands on his hips as Harper points at the fire, mouth moving a mile a minute.
Harper grins when he notices us. “Hi! I’m arguing with Jackson about if we should start with hot dogs or s’mores.”
“Hot dogs,” I answer, because who starts with s’mores?
Harper tosses his hands at me with a sort of expression that makes Jackson sigh.
“Fine, I’ll go get everything. Don’t burn yourself,” Jackson says, eyes narrowed in Harper’s direction as if it’s a real possibility.
“I’m not going to get close,” Harper whines.
Jackson keeps his eyes on Harper even as he disappears into the house. A moment later, a loud truck rumbles down the gravel driveway; I assume it’s one of the other escorts with their sugar daddies. Benji wanders over to help Harper set up some camping chairs out of the direction of the smoke. I step a little closer to the fire, hugging my arms around myself to enjoy the warmth. The heat bleeds through Benji’s hoodie that I stole for the evening. Well. For life, maybe. Dipping my head down, I can smell the warm summer scent of Benji on the toasty material, and my heart does this scary little skip and flip in my chest.
I glance over at Benji to watch him help Harper, watch his muscles flex under the tight, long-sleeve shirt he put on for the evening. He must feel my gaze because he looks over his shoulder and catches my eyes. One corner of his mouth kicks up in a soft smile that I know is only ever just for me. Despite the bonfire, I feel the heat of a flush creep up my neck, so I tear my gaze away to stare back into the jumping orange flames.
The murmur of voices behind me reaches my ears, but I ignore it. Sticking my hands out, I let myself enjoy the fire’s warmth against my skin, feeling it bleed into my always-cold bones. A firm hand wraps around my neck and squeezes.
“Alright?” Benji asks softly.
I close my eyes just to bask in the moment. “Hmmm.”
Benji presses a distracted, soft kiss to my left temple. “You smell like bonfire.”
I tilt my head to look over at him. “Is that good?”
“Makes you smell wild,” Benji notes, eyes sparkling as he teases me.
“Better than drenched in sweat from a four-hour show.”
Benji’s cheeks flush crimson, and his eyes flit away. “Didn’t mind that so much.”
“Silly boy.” I kiss his red cheek, feeling the glowing skin under my lips.
Glancing over my shoulder, I spot Trevor and Eli heading toward us with their sugar daddies in tow. Trevor sends a smirk my way while Eli smiles softly, and that weird feeling in my chest erupts again. That odd feeling of belonging, despite many years of not feeling anything remotely close to it. Benji’s hand squeezes my neck once more before slipping under the hoodie to rest against the skin of my back. I lean into him as everyone gathers around the bonfire, teasing one another and having fun, and I feel oddly at home.
Benji hustles me into one of the camping chairs and supplies me with a wire hanger so that I can roast hot dogs. I glance over at the others to see how they do it, holding back a laugh when Trevor looks at Beau with a mixture of fond confusion and disgust as Beau readies his hot dog. Beau promptly thrusts it into the fire with a bashful grin.
I glance over at Benji to find him watching me, so I mimic what I just watched Beau do and feel delighted when I earn a happy little grin from Benji. A cold breeze blows over us, sending the heat of the fire away for a moment and leaving my bones cold, but I warm back up as Benji continues to stare at me with hearts in his eyes as I roast the hot dog.
“It’s just a hot dog,” I snap at him.
“You’re enjoying yourself,” Benji remarks.
