“Yeah, Nolan. You tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you.”
Nolan leans a little closer to brush his lips over mine. “You know exactly what I need, stud. You always do.”
In the middle of the starry field, cold wind whipping over us, I hold Nolan’s face between my warm palms and fuck his throat until tears stream down his cheeks. Afterward, I lick the taste of myself from his mouth and hold him close, giving him what he wants and needs, because it’s exactly what I need too. Taking from him what he so willfully gives.
14
NOLAN
JANUARY 2028
So, therapy sucks. The medicine isn’t too bad, but I haven’t noticed much of a difference yet. Maybe it’s because it’s only been two weeks. The doctor did say it could take over a month to feel anything. It took everything in me to not laugh because I haven’t feltanythingfor years. Whatever this thing is between Benji and me is the first thing that has sparked feelings inside my dead soul for… well, probably my entire life.
Benji drives me into town for each session, then we go out to eat afterward. The guy has this weird fascination with feeding me. Whenever I finish a meal, his grin is the size of the moon, and when I stare back at him in confusion, he just gets this sheepish look and ignores my questions. He’s taken to cooking for me in the evenings as well, and I don’t know if it’s just that I haven’t had an appetite in years but he’s the best chef I’ve ever met.
The nicest thing is waking up each day not feeling like there’s a two-ton weight on my chest. When I roll over into Benji’s sleep-warm body, there’s no anxiety or fear, now there’s just the comforting feeling of being safe in his arms. Benji usually sighshappily and tugs me into his body, as if he wishes he could absorb me into himself.
I also think his group of friends have oddly taken me under their wings. I’ve never had friends before. It’s kind of weird that I’ve fucked almost half of them, but oh well, Benji doesn’t seem too bothered by it. Probably because the puppy knows that he’s the only one I’ve ever developed real feelings for. Makes him special. Not that I’ll ever tell him that.
I’m in the middle of tuning my guitar while Benji’s on a run when there’s a knock at the door. It’s the middle of the day on a weekday, so I’d expected no interruptions while my golden retriever lover was out running off his energy. After gently leaning my guitar against the sofa, I walk over to the front door and swing it open.
“You shouldn’t open the door before checking who’s on the other side,” Harper says with a serious frown. He’s dressed in skinny jeans and an over-large dark blue sweater that shows a sliver of his pale collarbone. I can see what Jackson sees in him, the guy is adorableandhot, a rare find.
“Nobody here is going to kill me.”
Harper tilts his head to the side. “You seem pretty sure about that.”
“Well, if you’re the hit man they’ve sent after me, they are bound for failure.”
“Hey,” Harper whines with a deep, irritated frown. “I might be small but I have a lot of spunk.”
“I’m sure you do,” I say with a smirk.
“Anyway…” Harper trails off and looks behind me, his eyes widening with barely restrained glee when he notices the guitar. “Are you playing? Sorry. I shouldn’t ask that. I was going to have a bonfire at my house tonight… marshmallows and shit. I thought you and Benji might like to come?”
I lean against the doorway. “This isn’t some way for us to have a foursome, right? I don’t think Benji wants to share.”
Harper laughs so loudly it’s jarring. “Oh, that’s hilarious. I’ll mention that to Jackson. You can witness his reaction firsthand when I mention it tonight. You’ll come? Jackson will grill dinner. He fucking loves to grill.” Harper says all of this with a fond sort of irritation that is quite honestly oddly endearing.
“Yeah, sure,” I agree. “We’ll come.”
“We’ll go where?” Benji asks, slightly out of breath as he jogs up the stairs. He’s all sweaty and shirtless andmine. His freckles pop against the flush that dots his cheeks and I so badly want to kiss him, that I don’t deny myself. I grab his wrist and tug him closer until I can press a gentle kiss to his smiling mouth. “Hi.”
“Hello,” I whisper against his mouth.
“Yuck,” Harper says loudly.
“Hi, Harper,” Benji says with a genuine smile. “I saw Jackson in the car. Y’all heading somewhere?”
Harper flushes maroon and narrows his eyes at Benji. “No, he drove me over here so I could invite you over later.”
Oh. I hold my hand out and wiggle my fingers. “Give me your phone. I’ll give you my number so you don’t have to drive over next time.”
The grin on Harper’s face could probably broker world peace. I hurriedly punch my number into his phone and hand it back to him. He looks down at his phone in amazement for a moment before seemingly shaking himself free from the starstruck haze.
“Well, if you want to bring the guitar tonight, that would be fun. We can sing Hannah Montana together. Do you know ‘The Climb’?”
“Of course. It’s sacrilege tonotknow that song.”
