“I’ll do it,” I say quickly, despite being fucking terrified at the idea. I want to give Nolan everything he wants. If he asked forthe moon, I’d fling a lasso around it and pull it down to earth just for him, just for one single ounce of joy to flit across his face.
“Not now. But one day soon, before this is all over. You’ll do it raw too, because I was tested a long time ago in case I ever wanted that with you.” Nolan’s fingers curl over my biceps, nails digging into my skin, hard enough to make me grit my teeth. “You’ll remember me like that, okay? That’s how we’ll remember each other. I’m just a sick fuck.”
“Shut up,” I growl before tugging his mouth to mine. I don’t want to hear him talk that way about himself. This entire conversation is turning my brain to mush, so I’ve got to end it. The idea he was tested for me though, sends a rush of longing so deep through me that I’m afraid I’ll keel over.
“I haven’t fucked anyone else since Los Angeles. I got tested before we came on this trip.” I lean forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, knowing he’ll push me away soon if I’m too mushy. “You’re safe with me.”
Nolan’s gasp sounds painful, just before he presses his mouth to mine. We kiss until the water turns cold, until our fingers are pruned. I’ve got to get him fed since he has to be at the arena in just a handful of hours. Ignoring the conversation we just had is going to be basically impossible, but I’ve got to at least pretend with Nolan. He’s surly and shut down even as I tenderly dry the cascading water droplets from his body.
“What do you want to eat?” I ask him as I tug a shirt over my head.
Nolan shrugs one tattooed shoulder. “Whatever.”
“Is there something that sounds good that you’d happily eat?”
A flicker of emotion crosses his face, then disappears like a wisp of smoke. “Not really.”
“Tell me the thought you just had,” I demand, walking up to him to cup his cheeks.
His eyes flit up to mine and his eye twitches. “Burger King.”
Okay, that’s a little off-beat. But whatever he wants, I’ll give it to him. “What do you want? A burger?”
“Yeah with their special sauce… and some extra sauce on the side for the fries.”
“You got it.”
I drag Nolan by the hand into the small living room of our hotel suite. I’ve barely used Chris since we arrived, mainly giving the man a break from managing Nolan twenty-four seven since I’ve taken on that task myself. But this is definitely a mission for him since I don’t speak any Italian, and I don’t want to leave Nolan alone in the hotel room, not after that weird little confession in the bathtub.
Nolan looks so small on the sofa, legs tucked under himself, eyes distant even as he stares blankly out of the balcony at bustling Milan.
Me: Nolan wants Burger King
Me: A Whopper with extra sauce and fries
Chris: I’m sorry
Chris: Who wants what
Me: Please, it’s what he asked for.
Chris: Twenty minutes
I sitbeside Nolan on the sofa, close enough that he can feel the heat of my body, but far enough away that he doesn’t feel overwhelmed by touch. His fingers twitch on his thigh before reaching out to tangle with mine. Eyes still firmly looking out the balcony, Nolan easily misses the way my lips twitch at thecorners as I do my best to contain the smile that so badly wants to break free. Slowly, but surely, Nolan is starting to trust me. Maybe by the end of this godforsaken tour, he’ll trust me with his heart, not just his desires.
A knock at the door is followed quickly by Chris pushing through. His eyes flit from me to Nolan and my heart does this weird sort of loopy thing in my chest when Nolan keeps his fingers tangled with mine despite Chris entering the room.
Chris drops two bags on the table with a serious, hard look at Nolan. “Do you need me to cancel tonight's show?”
“No,” Nolan says firmly.
Nolan disentangles his fingers from mine and reaches for the bag with a trembling hand. He basically buries his head into the paper bag. When he lifts his head, his eyes are crinkled, and there’s a barely there grin tugging at his lips.
“Thank you, Christopher.”
Chris rolls his eyes and waves his hand dismissively, turning to look intently at me next. “I got you something too.” He looks down at his watch with a sigh. “We need to be at the arena in two hours.”
“We’ll be there,” I tell Chris with narrowed eyes, hoping he gets the vibe and scoots the hell out of the hotel room.
