“Me,” I reply quietly, then tug him down to kiss him once more.
His weight blots out the terror threatening to break free. What I can’t say with words, I say with the silent press of my lips to his mouth. Benji devours my mouth with a single-minded focus as he rolls his hips against mine. My thighs tremble against his from the force of the pleasure rippling through me. His cock is hot and heavy against my own. The memory of him inside me all those months ago comes rushing right back. I need it so bad that I can barely see straight.
I bite his lip hard again until he pulls away from me with a startled hiss. “Fuck me, Benji. Come on. This is your chance. Fuck the rockstar everyone wants. I could have anyone in the world but I’ve got you. Do it.”
Benji growls before kissing me again just to shut me up. A gasp breaks free when he presses two lubed fingers into me, immediately seeking out my prostate like he’s on a mission from God. When I open my eyes to stare at him, I find his hot gaze trained solely on me.
“Don’t look at me.” I shove his face away until I can’t see his stupid puppy dog eyes anymore. Benji bites between my forefinger and thumb, right into the fattiest part of my hand. The pain shocks me into stillness, despite his exploring fingers inside me.
Benji lifts onto his knees again with a pained groan. His left hand presses hard against my stomach to steady himself as he wraps a condom over his cock. Without a single word, he hooks my legs over his shoulders, and pushes into me in one fluidmovement. I breathe through the pain, wanting it, needing it to feel like I’m not still stuck on this miserable fucking planet.
Rocking slowly into me, Benji spares me only a few moments to adjust. The pace he sets is so brutal that my teeth crack together from his unforgiving thrusts. I dig my fingers into the skin of his back, raking down so hard that I know he’ll have marks for days. Perfect.
Time ebbs and flows as Benji fucks me in front of the fire, our sweat mingling between us. He rotates between kissing me breathless and biting whatever skin he can reach. Bruises will mar my skin for days, only hidden by the colorful sheen of my tattoos. They hide more sins than I ever thought they would. So many. The years of scars are hidden by beautifully expensive tattoos.
“Can I touch your cock this time?” Benji asks against my mouth. He swipes his tongue along my lower lip until I’m trembling with need beneath him.
“I don’t know, can you?” I retort.
Benji growls again before taking my mouth in a painfully hard kiss. Our teeth knock together as he fights to dominate me, to show me who I belong to. But I belong to no one but myself. Not even this beautiful man fucking me within an inch of my life can own me. Benji abruptly pulls out of me with a loud groan.
“Hey!” I shout as I lift up onto my elbows.
Benji falls between my legs and swallows my cock down as he roughly shoves two fingers inside me. Oh fuck. My brain shuts down at the feeling. Benji uses his other hand to pinch my inner thigh. The weird mix of pleasure and pain skyrockets my orgasm through me. My vision goes black for a solid three seconds until the glow of the fireplace filters back in.
I’m coming slowly back to myself in pieces when Benji straddles my hips with a soft whine. He bites his bottom lip as I stare up at him in stricken awe. His hand flies over his cock, thecondom now gone. Pressing one hand beside my head, he looms over me with a pleasure-filled groan. The muscles in his neck are so tense they look like they could snap. He needs to come. I want him to come.
“Do it,” I goad him, knowing he needs to hear me say the words.
Benji squeezes his eyes shut just in time to paint my stomach with his release. The heat of his cum boils my blood, almost making my dick rally with the force of it. Benji presses his sweaty forehead to my chest as he loudly gulps in air.
Benji chuckles darkly. “Fuck.”
“We did, yeah.”
Benji snorts as he slowly rises to his knees. He smears his cum all over my chest, then dips his hands to my ribs to rub the mess all over the flowers he’s weirdly obsessed with. He’s goddamn glorious. I’ve been fucked by a lot of men in my life, but something about Benji is different. Borderline special. And that’s how I know that after this fuck fest, we need a long break before we fuck again. Only time can stop me from developing useless emotions for a man who’s paid to use his body to bring mine pleasure.
Seemingly shocked at his claiming gesture, Benji awkwardly clears his throat and stares listlessly into the fire. Seconds tick by before Benji rises to his feet, holding his hand out for mine.
“Bath time,” Benji urges quietly.
Just like the first time we fucked, Benji guides me to my bathroom, carefully situating me so that I don’t have to look at my reflection. He roots around the jars of bath salts and soaps in the shelf beside my clawfoot tub, coming away pleased with a scent that is hidden from my nosy view. Bright red scratch marks grace the broad expanse of his freckled back. As the warm water fills the tub, so does the soft scent of lavender. The scent is calming and my already tensing muscles slowly relax.
Benji crawls into the tub, crooking his fingers once again to invite me to join him. The biggest deja vu of my life. The fuck might’ve been different, but the caretaking after is so familiar to me even now. I melt against him in the tub, boneless and wrung out after one single good lay.
Maybe a weekend of this on repeat will cure me.
Maybe it won’t.
Who the fuck knows anymore.
5
BENJI
FEBRUARY 2027
The Nolan effect. Something about him makes me crazy, makes me behave in a way that’s so absolutely opposite of myself. I’m Sunshine. I’m jokes and teasing and the one friend that no one ever has to worry about because I say what I mean and mean what I say. But holy fuck, Nolan makes me see red.
