Jagger
I gulp in the fresh air, battling to slow my breathing. Rationally, I know this is a good thing. If Nash and Delilah are bonded, she’s now a recognized member of our pack in the eyes of the law. Which also means that no other alphas can take her from us. But my territorial insides are in turmoil, overcome with bitterness at the fact she’s bonded to him and not me. I know I should be grateful that she’s given me another chance—hell, I don’t have the right to expect any more than that—but it still feels like a punch to the gut.
“Jagger?” Delilah’s soft voice floats toward me over the warm breeze. “Can we talk?”
“You shouldn’t be this far away from Nash. Not right after bonding.” I keep my back turned. “Go back inside.”
Newly bonded mates need to stay close to each other until they’re through the bonding adjustment period. Being beyond touching distance of each other can cause them both physical and mental pain that only the other can settle until their bodies become accustomed to the bond and they enter the bond adaptation phase.
“I’m okay.” A twig snaps as she gets closer, her sweet scent piercing my nostrils. Her scent smells even richer, so heavy withcrisp alphas and silky cream that I can taste it on my tongue. “Are you?”
Her small hand on my forearm sears my skin like a brand.
“I’m fine,” I mutter. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you both.” Even to myself, the words sound hollow, making me feel like an asshole.
“You don’t sound happy,” she replies, seeing straight through my bullshit.
She’s always been able to see the real me, but right now, I wish I could hide from her. I don’t want her to see my ugly insecurities rise to the surface while I wallow in my selfish jealousy. When I turn to face her, soaking in all of her natural beauty, I see the concern etched into her face.
“I’m just…” Desperate to sink my teeth into her and see my own mark on her skin, though I don’t say that. “Surprised.”
Especially after I offered to bond with her this morning, and she turned me down. Rejection isn’t something I’m used to. For years, women have thrown themselves at me, people have begged to be my friends, and everyone in the industry has always kissed my ass, even when I’ve treated them like dirt. Yet Delilah’s different. Not only am I the one chasing her, but she’s the only person who has ever truly held me accountable for my mistakes. It’s another reason why I love her so much, but fuck... It still stings.
“I thought...” I look up at the trees creeping up the mountain in the distance. “That you wanted to wait before bonding.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her hand jump to her neck to stroke her new mark. Nash’s mark. A glaring reminder that I’m still not worthy of her. “It wasn’t planned, but it felt…” My chest aches even more, seeing the way she’s struggling not to smile. “Right.”
“As I said, I’m happy for you both.” My words sound wooden. I’m being a jerk. Nash deserves this more than anyone, andI’m ruining their special moment. My rational brain knows this, but I can’t find the right words to describe how I feel without sounding like a pathetic loser. “I guess I thought I’d be your first because of our history.”
Yep, that came out even worse than it sounded in my head.
She tilts her head to the side. “That’s why you’re upset?”
“I know I’m being immature.” I throw my hands up. “And I know you may never want to bond with me at all, but…” I sigh. “I need some time to process this. That’s all.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to bond with you.” She places her hand on my chest, in the exact spot where her name is tattooed under my shirt. “Please don’t think that.” She looks into my eyes. “You’re my scent match, Jagger. You’ve said it yourself. We’re destined, but bonding has to happen when it feels… right.”
“If I keep fucking things up, it may never feel right.” I laugh dryly. “Whatever I do just seems to make things worse. When I put the statement up earlier about quittingPack Fire, I?—”
“Wait!” She jerks her arm back, her eyebrows lowering. “What are you talking about?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise. I wanted to tell all of you together later.” I smile weakly. “This morning, I went through some old contracts and found a loophole that’d get me out of the band for good.” I flick my wrist casually, as if changing the course of my life is no biggie. “The details don’t matter, but the main thing is, I can leavePack Fire. I already spoke to my lawyer and put out an official statement announcing that the band is splitting?—”
“An official statement?” She takes a step back, her face crumpling and the softness in her features seeming to harden. “Leaving the band is a big deal, Jagger. A huge deal! It’s been your life for years.”
“I know.” So many years where I’ve been forced to produce crap that I haven’t been passionate about. What started outgreat turned sour. As the years passed, the more disillusioned I became as I saw the truth about how brutal the industry can be. “Yesterday really made me think about our future.” I haven’t been able to think of anything else. Yesterday showed me that a new life could be possible. A happy life with my pack. A life that doesn’t revolve around traveling from show to show. A life where I can—we can—be normal. “I don’t want you to have to deal with?—”
“This decision has nothing to do with me, Jagger,” Delilah cuts me off. “This is about you.”
“But—”
“No.” Her curls dance as she wildly shakes her head. “I thought you were finally starting to get it.”
“I…” Fuck. My heart sinks. I’ve screwed up. Again. “I…”
The back door flies open, and Tae appears, waving my ringing cell phone over his head. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m pretty sure Val is going to spontaneously combust if she doesn’t speak to you soon.” His nose wrinkles. “She’s been calling nonstop, same with Brad and Drew.”
Behind Tae, Nash crosses his arms, obviously sensing Delilah’s emotions through their bond.
