That night I made love to my husband four more times and then promised myself that it would be the last night that we’d share together.
Chapter 15
(Nobody supposed to be Here/Deborah Cox)
“But I turned around and you’re standing here. How did you get here? Nobody supposed to be here. I tried that love thang for the last time”
The end of the year was two weeks away and I was wrapping my children’s Christmas gifts. I really hadn’t bought much because their daddy had bought them everything they wanted. I had been in my own apartment for two months and just wanted to make it seem like home when my kids came to visit. They still technically lived with Jahrein, but I saw them damn near every day. I wouldn’t leave the house until they were asleep. I wanted to keep them alone, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived. He made it clear that the kids couldn’t go home with me overnight, unless I told him where I stayed. I just wasn’t ready for that, yet.
I allowed Jahrein to have so much control over the kids’ situation, because he was actually doing me a favor. He really thought that he was hurting me by keeping them, but it was the opposite. I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased. He could no longer question me although he often still tried.
All the additional time I spent away from my kids helped me with clearing my mind. I think that for the first time I was really getting to know myself. Hell, the more I thought the more I realized that I didn’t like too much peace and quiet. I was immune to loud noise and rowdiness. Being surrounded around busyness kept me enthralled, but now I often found myself watching the clock. I can’t front; I was missing Jahrein and the kidslike crazy, but I just couldn’t go back to him. I didn’t like that we were the typical hood couple that stayed in the center of some shit. I hated how everybody thought that it was cool how Jahrein fucked around and ran the streets. He was a damn married man that should have been home with his wife and kids.
I hated being labeled as this pushover that put up with any and everything. Personally, I knew that I wasn’t that person because that mold just did not fit me. I wasn’t naïve. Jahrein was just all I knew and it wasn’t as simple as just walking away with all the kids we had. Starting over was very scary for me, but I was willing to live with it, if it meant that I could have some dignity. But sometimes I found myself second guessing my decision to leave, especially when I saw how he was handling things.
Even though, I’d left Jahrein, he still placed money in our joint bank account, which I still had full access to. When we were around each other he still gave me the same respect and treated me like his wife. There weren’t any females in and out of the house that we once called ours. Basically, it was as if we were still together but living separately.
My Benz had full coverage, so it was back in shape in no time. His stupid ass ended up paying the deductible, anyway. I was enjoying life. I hadn’t been kicking it with any of my girls lately, though. I was trying to keep people out of my business. I knew that if they knew who I was seeing it would get back to Jahrein.
I didn’t mean for things to go down like that, but that’s just how the chips fell. I figured that since I kept having these run-ins with him that maybe it was a sign.
I ran into Khalil in the previous month. I was in the Galleria with Jahrein Junior. I had just picked him up from his elementary school and had promised him a new toy for his good behavior. I knew that the Disney store would have what he wanted, so that‘s where we were headed. I was having trouble keeping up with him in my black leather thigh high boots. Then the fact that my Seven jeans were extra tight didn’t help matters. I knew that I was looking cute in my tight black sweater with my then jet black hair hanging down my back, but was wishing that I‘d dressed more comfortable.
“Boy, hold up.” I called out to him as I tried to strut in my four inch boots.
“Damn, mama!” I heard someone howl.
I looked to my right and saw Khalil. Although, he was in his thirties, he still looked good; life had been good to him. I couldn’t help but smile. He had just crossed my mind earlier that day.
“Hey, boy.” I spoke, checking him out. His braids had grown to the middle of his back. His edge up was fresh, and Armani unit was straight. The nigga was stillthatnigga.
“Hey, sexy. I see you got your little man with you.” he walked up to me and gestured towards Junior.
“Yeah.” I said as I ruffled his head. “We have to get him a toy for behaving in class.”
“Oh yeah? You was good, lil man?” Khalil asked Junior.
“Yeah.” Junior said as he crossed his arms across his chest. I knew that he wasn’t going to have a positive attitude towards Khalil. He was Jahrein’s child.
“So, what stores are y’all about to go to?”
“To the Disney store, byourselves.” Jahrein Junior spoke up. His ass was being a little rude, but that wasn’t his fault. Jahrein had them programmed.
“Oh, okay.” Khalil nodded as he strolled along with us.
Once inside the Disney store lil’ Jahrein was focused on all those toys.
“So, Raven, what you been up to?” Khalil asked me as he followed us.
“Nothing much. I’m still in school and I’m trying to stay focused on that.”
“That’s good. So, I see that your wedding ring is on your right hand.” he observed.
“Yeah. Don’t act like you don’t know the deal.” I snapped.
“Why are you coming at me like that? I heard a few things in the streets, but you know how that is.”
“Um hmm.”
