I don’t know why I continued to seek advice from her. She’d been with my daddy for years and allowed him to do whatever. I knew that she was a laid back type of woman, but damn! Ole pushover ass.
“Red, I am just so tired of him. I know that he’s cheating and he won’t let me do shit. I can barely go to school.” I complained. Nobody knew what it was like to be me. Jahrein might as well have been a damn octopus, because I’d never seen a nigga that could do so much at one time. He hustled, he played in the streets, he took care of his kids, he fucked me, he cheated, and he watched my every damn move.
Red knew that her son was egotistical and controlling, but she always reminded me that he paid the cost to be the boss. That was her thing. If a man is taking care of home, then you should keep your mouth shut. That was some bullshit. Why couldn’t I have a man that took care of me, loved me,andwas faithful? Why did I have to choose one or two of the qualities? Didn’t I deserve it all?
Jahrein’s ass acted like my damn daddy. I couldn’t hang out in the hood just cause, and if I did want to I had let him know first. Of course, she wasn’t going to find fault in that. The lifestyle that Jahrein and my daddy lived afforded her a four bedroom home in Sugarland, Texas, far away from the ghetto. She knew about all of my daddy’s dirt, but she dealt with it. Shit, there were two chicks just a few years older than me both claiming to have his children. I didn’t know what to believe, but I did know that both children were well taken care of. I saw that with my own two eyes. My daddy had both chicks set up in upscale apartments in which he could drop by anytime he felt like it.
Then he was still fucking Tisha and Raquel’s mama, Roz. I had just recently found this out. Hell, Roz now had a son for him, and Red acted like nothing was going on. Hell, Ray-Ray was everybody’s man.
“Raven, you’re pregnant. What are you trying to do?” she asked me as if there was nothing else that I should’ve wanted to do other than carry her son’s kids.
“Red, you don’t understand. I just want to know what it feels like to do things that don’t involve him or the kids. I need some freedom. I’m tired of the fighting and arguing. Our kids don’t need to see that. And Iknow that he‘s out here fucking around. So, I‘m left suffering because his no-good ass is insecure.”
“Raven, y’all just moved in a six bedroom home with a four car garage. Do you know how many girls would kill for that?” she asked me.
“Those bitches can have it.” I sighed.
“I think that is the hormones talking.” she laughed.
“Whatever.” I sighed. It seems that no one cared about what I was feeling. I was screaming on the inside. I was drowning and they all just stood by watching. My damn feelings were valid!
Chapter 13
(Poison/BBD)
“That girl is poison. Never trust a big butt and a smile. If I were you I’d take precaution…She’ll drive you right out of your mind.”
I had just given birth to Jahlero Ty Braxton. I was so damn tired of Jahrein wanting all of my children’s names to sound like his. I loved my son, I really did, but I wanted him to be the last! I couldn’t legally get my tubes tied because I wasn’t even old enough. Then Jahrein would throw a bitch fit anytime I mentioned getting them tied.
Then if that wasn't enough he refused to wear a condom, and had been fucking me since the baby was two weeks old. Pregnancy was imminent, and I was about to lose my damn mind.
“He’s so handsome.” Tisha cooed as she held my baby. I hadn’t said much to the broad over the years but she was trying to ease her way back into my life. Well, truthfully she’d always been around, but she wasn’t kicking up as much dust. She’d left Curtis’s old ass for another grandpa. Really, the shit was all a cover up, because I happened to know that she was still fucking Ray-Ray. Me…I didn’t fuck with her like that, though. It was far too late for her to try to play mama now.
I think that I was going through postpartum depression. I was so damn emotional. I cried for the smallest things. I had no control over myself. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
“Raven, Jahreiah shitted.” Jahrein told me.
“What the fuck you telling me for?” I snapped. “That’s your baby too. You change her.”
He looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it. If he would’ve replied I probably would’ve hit him in that sensitive nose of his. I kept rolling my eyes at his ugly ass. I wanted to be somewhere chilling or something. At that moment I wanted to be anywhere but there with him and all those babies. I was mad at him for everything that ever went wrong in my life. It was his entire damn fault.
“Raven, why are you being so ugly?” Tisha asked me. Since she now knew that Jahrein was generous with his money she’d become a part of the cheering squad.
“Fuck him.” I spat as I rolled my eyes at her ass too. They all could kiss my ass. I rose up from my couch and went to the bathroom. There I cried my eyes out. I think that I was actually going crazy.
“Raven.” Tisha said through the door as she tapped on it.
“What?” I sniffled.
“Are you okay?” she asked me.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I lied, trying to remove the sadness from my voice.
“Okay, well I’m about to go.”
“Good.” I mumbled. I didn’t need her sorry ass anyway.
I stood and stared at the mirror. I was looking at my bushy hair and red eyes. I was still looking young but I didn’t know how long that would last. I had grown up entirely too soon. My entire childhood had slipped by before I even knew what was happening. I just wanted to be carefree.
