I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, and shook my head before focusing on him again. So, he wanted to play victim, huh? “Jahrein, get the fuck outta here, okay.”
He grimaced. “No, I wanna know.”
I smacked my lips. “You wanna know? Shit, I wanna know a lot of shit too. How about you explain why do I have so many enemies. Why do bitches take issue with me when they don't even know me? Why I got beef with half the hoes in Houston, Jahrein?”
“Naw, it don’t have nothing to do with me. They fuck with you because they know that they can. You don’t see Tameka sweating those hoes.”
“Nigga please! Tameka done cried on my shoulders plenty of nights over Tony. Bitches come for her too. The difference between me and her is that she aint a fighter. The only time she got a mouth is when she got her knife. And that aint here nor there. I bet you if niggas was approaching you over me this would be a different story.”
He waved me off. “Go'on Raven, cause these niggas know better.”
“And why don't these hoes know better?”
He shrugged. “The hell if I know. I aint got no control over them, but you can handle shit better than you do. Most times shit could be avoided if you toldyourself that you was better than that shit. You think I give a fuck about any of those bitches out here? You the only broad carrying my last name, and that's how you supposed to carry yourself. When you get out there fighting, that's like hopping off your throne and fighting the damn peasants. Know your position.”
I scrunched. “Nigga what? Know my position? You think this shit is about me not knowing where I stand? Do you really believe that I spend a millisecond worried about these sack chasers? My problem is that I aint trying to be the muthafuckin champion of the division. I want to be the only woman in the league. That's why I'm fed the fuck up. This cheating bullshit you on is the cause of our problems. And no, it aint in my face, but I know what you're doing. Really, I'm tired, and I aint about to be here too much longer.”
“You tired? So, so what does that mean? Aint nobody cheating.” he claimed stuttering over his words. I think that he could sense that I was serious. The nigga loved acting like I was tripping. Admittedly, it had been a long while since I'd had any proof of him stepping out on me, but I knew better. He'd just become better at hiding it.
“Exactly what I just said. I’m tired. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
“So what, you gon leave me? Is that what you’re saying?” he asked growing indignant.
“Yes, Jahrein. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
He quickly shook his head. “You know that I can’t let that happen.”
“So, what are you saying?” I wanted to know as I crossed my arms.
“I’m saying that we made a vow. This is ‘til death do us part. That means that any problems we have will have to be worked out. That’s the only resolution.” He said adamantly.
“But what if I decide that I just can’t do it anymore?”
“That’s not an option.” He stated with finality.
I took a good look at him. He was serious. When and how did he think that he owned me? “You see, that’s why I can’t talk to you. You have it in your mind that I aint going nowhere, but don’t be surprised if you come home one day and I aint here.”
He let out a pissed off chuckle. “So, you would do a nigga like that?” he asked as he stroked his chin. “That would be some cold shit.”
“Just keep testing me.”
He stepped up to me and pulled me in by the waist. “You know that I love you?”
“Sometimes.” I shrugged, trying to avoid eye contact. Sometimes I felt so stupid. A part of me always wanted him to plead his case, and show me how much he loved me. I needed constant reassurance. I was needy as fuck, and I hated it.
“Is that what you really feel?” he asked me as he stared into my eyes.
I sighed. “I know that you love me, Jahrein. But have you heard that sometimes love just aint enough? I want to feel good every day. Not just sometimes. Things with you can be so perfect sometimes, but I’m starting to wonder if the bad outweighs the good.”
“You’ve been reading too many books.” He sniggered. “Aint no relationship perfect. Shit is gonna happen, but at the end of the day I got you. And you got me, right?”
I mumbled. “Yeah, even if it’s killing me softly.”
He frowned. “Killing you softly? You want to get all deep on me, but let me share something with you…I met you in 1998 and from the moment I laid eyes on you I knew that you would be mine. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind and I was willing to do anything to get you andkeepyou. I wasn’t going to let any man stand in the way. I damn near broke my back trying to make sure that you was straight. If you wanted a soda and I didn’t have no money, I’d go steal one. If I was broke and you wanted your hair done I had to hustle harder. If you said that the baby needed some diapers I’d kick in a door if necessary. I put you and my kids before everything. I mean everything. There aint nothing that I wouldn’t do for y’all. I’d kill for you. Shit, I’d die for you. So, ask yourself if I’d let you leave, without initiating a war.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
“Things aint that bad, Raven.” Red claimed, as we sat on her couch.
