I shook my head, knowing that I was about to give in. That was my song. I looked back at my baby. “Lil’ Jahrein, that’s funny to you? New day, new age. Every once in a while this is how we play our game.” I sung to him and he cracked up, leaning his head back, and clapping his little hands.
“That's what I wanna see. Smile for me, mama.” he cooed, as he gently stroked my face. “No matter what, I'ma hold it down for you. I promise.”
That day we just drove around as a family and talked. He told me that he loved me with all of his heartand that he was overjoyed that we had created another life together. I was still a bit shaken, but his calmness put me at ease. I decided that as long as he was confident that everything would be fine, then I should feel the same way.
Chapter 6
(Dilemma/Nelly & Kelly Rowland)
“It aint that easy for you to pack up and leave him. You and dirty got ties for different reasons.”
Eventually, we told everyone about my pregnancy. I think that our family was more disappointed than anything. I was just fifteen and working on my second baby. I was a little embarrassed. Many adults misjudged me because of my mistakes. I knew that I was intelligent and my grades reflected so. Still, a part of me felt dumb for being in that predicament. I wasn’t the only teenaged mom around, trust me. It was a fast growing trend to get knocked-up before you’re legal, but I just never envisioned that for myself. I wasn’t one of those chicks that wanted kids early. I mean, I loved my son to death, but I wished that I didn’t have all that responsibility so soon in life.
Jahrein was okay with the situation. For one, he was nineteen and had completed school. He wasn’t the ideal age of a father, but at least he’d gotten to go through most of his high school years childless. I would never know the feeling. Everywhere I went I had my son and now a round belly to boot.
With all of my baggage that never stopped the local idiots from trying to holla at me, though. Every chance they got they were in my face. Everything had come to light about how Jah was getting his money. He was a known hustler, pushing crack, they all hustled with him and knew that we were together. I got to see firsthand just how dirty dudes are. They’d smile in Jahrein’s faceand then bad mouth him to get with me, behind his back.
Their favorite line was “That lil nigga don’t know what to do with all that. Shit, he fucking all these hoes around here, anyway.” You see, I was a chick that only gained weight in the ass, titties, and hips. So, my pregnancy just made me appear extra thick. I guess that my mature body drew them in, and they figured they could run a little game to a youngster like me. For the most part I didn’t pay any of those niggas any attention, but there were a few that made me nervous.
Mainly, there were two niggas in the hood that gave Jahrein a run for his money. One of them was Amir. He was 6’3, had a mocha complexion, beautiful hazel eyes, deep wavy hair, bowlegs, and dimples just like me. He was just as fine as my baby daddy. Me and his baby mama Ebony were cool, but she was a straight up hoe. All she talked about was how many other niggas gave her some money. Her and Amir were forever beefing. He actually slid me his number once or twice. I was just too scared to fuck with him on that level. I wasn’t a dirty bitch that could fuck with a chick’s man, and then smile in her face. Then Jahrein and Amir were good friends. They did a lot of business together. He was just too close to home. Then there was always the chance that Jahrein sent him my way to see if I’d fall for the bait.
Now, Khalil was twenty-seven and fine as hell. He was much older than me, but that didn’t stop the attraction I had for him. He was this big baller that everybody knew. He looked just like Allen Iverson and he even sported braids like him. He had a slab that won car shows every year. He was always fresh, and I never saw him repeat an outfit. All the girls over herehad a crush on him. He gave me those bedroom eyes, but would never try to talk to me. I didn’t know if it was because he was cool with my daddy or was it my age, but he would never take it there. For the most part niggas didn’t give a damn about my age. They figured that I was fuckable, because I was already popping out babies. Maybe the reason I had a crush on Khalil was because he never tried anything. I had never slept with anyone other than Jahrein, but Khalil had me wanting to give him some.
One day I finally found that like all the other nasty niggas in the neighborhood, Khalil had a thing for me. I was sitting on a bench in the park, alone. I was damn near in tears because Jahrein hadn’t been home in two days straight. And there were rumors that he was at Melissa’s apartment in The Dead End, some projects over in South Park. In fact, Melissa had a five month old son that many said looked just like Jahrein and Junior. There I was five months pregnant and getting played all over again.
I felt helpless at the time, because there wasn’t much that I could physically do. It wasn’t like I could go over there, clowning with my huge belly. So, that meant that I would have to wait for him to return home. I hated being me at that particular time. It seemed like the world was having fun without me.
I was drowning in self-pity when I heard, “Is it that bad?” I looked up and saw Khalil. For once I was too hurt to be nervous.
“Oh, hey.” I spoke trying to conceal my sadness.
“You alright?” he asked me as he took a seat next to me.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“You know you are too pretty to always walk around looking so sad.”
He brought a smile to my face.
“I aint trying to be in your business or nothing but you need to leave that nigga alone.”
I wasn’t expecting for him to say that, but I had heard it all before.
He continued on. “I know you probably feel like I don’t know you or your situation. And you might be right. But all I see and everybody else too, is a beautiful young lady being treated like a little object. Your man is fucking anything with a pulse, but got you on a shelf like some trophy. He don’t really want you, but don’t want nobody else to have you.”
Those words brought me to tears, because that was exactly how I felt.
“Don’t cry. That nigga aint worth your tears. I just had to say something to you, because I saw the hurt in your eyes. Everybody’s laughing around here, talking about how that little nigga got it good. Ray would be able to see it, if he wasn’t too busy chasing these hoes. He’s right over there in the jects with that nigga, and aint tripping on him playing house with tha next broad. That shit just aint right to me. He got you tied down with so much responsibility.”
I was a little shocked that Khalil was snitching. I didn't take him for the type, but when it came to getting pussy niggas often bent the rules.
“Why are you telling me this?” I lifted a brow. Usually, I didn't run with what somebody told me, but this wasn't just anybody. Khalil had more broads after him than Jahrein, so in my eyes he had no reason to lie.
He stroked his chin as he gazed at me. “Honestly, I been wanting to say something to you.”
“About Jahrein?”
“No. I just wanted to kick it with you, period. The problem was that he's always cock blockin'.”
