And Pari. I wouldn’t put it past her to strap me down and lock me away if I even mentioned moving away. My throat ached with unshed tears at the thought that I likely wouldn’t even be able to tell her I was leaving. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. One last secret I had to keep before I disappeared.
He spoke slowly, cautiously. His eyes became even more intense with scrutiny. Searching for any bit of hesitation like a hawk searching for its next meal. “And you’re absolutely sure, this is what you want?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
He looked at me for a long moment, as if he was memorizing every feature several times over. It should have scared me that he thought I would vanish. Perhaps I would. But I trusted him to keep me here.
“Are you ready, mannyenska?”
“What does that mean?”
“Moonlight.”
Tears burned my eyes as I blinked them away. “I’m ready.”
I was ready to entrust my life to the man who truly looked at me and saw moonlight, to the man who told me to stare back at critical eyes and to not wait for the world to change. I had never felt safer than I did with him. With the man I was supposed to fear. And it told me everything. It told me my world was wrong.
* * *
It was a bit ridiculous that I was blushing being in his bedroom. He was about to turn me into a completely different being. And it was even more ridiculous that my heated skin grew hotter as I laid down on his bed. He had already been between my legs. Though I supposed not inthatway. I hadn’t felt him in that way. And now the heat was traveling to my center.
His eyes narrowed on me as he stood over me, and I blushed harder at what he must have sensed just then. The hopeful thought that he would be a gentleman and ignore it was quickly shattered at his next words.
“What has you so aroused, mannyenska?” He smirked.
“When I become a newborn, will I be able to punch you in the face?” I reveled in the quick, minute bit of shock that crossed his eyes.
He chuckled. “That is unlikely,” he paused. “But with your apparent determination, I’m sure you’ll get there someday.”
My smile quickly fell as my impulsive action gave way to thought. “With the newborns I’ve encountered, they have all seemed ... feral. Like they’re not in control. Will that happen to me?”
He sat down on the bed beside me. “Creating a newborn is somewhat like raising a child. They require the right care, Alaric’s newborns have had no such thing. If anything, he’s raising them to be chaotic and bend to his every command.” His perpetually stone-like, blank face softened. “You will have me, and I will take care of you, mannyenska.”
I nodded, unable to speak through my shrinking throat. The fear was settling in.
“Will it hurt?”
I winced at his grim expression.
My heart rate picked up at the finality of it all, at what I’d be giving up. Though I told myself I wasn’t meant for this world anyway, I couldn’t ignore the hurt. The scars permanently embedded within me from being cast aside by those around me. It was a life I was laying to rest. A life I’d grieve. A life I’d never be able to get back.
And the truth was that I was cornered into this decision, but I would choose how it ensued. I would take that away from Alaric as he had taken my life, my humanity. I would create a new life for myself after being forced out of my old one, by my own community, my world.
I only hoped I could see Olivia and Pari again. A sick part of me wanted to see Mother and Father again, to stand before them dripping in treason, to watch their unknowing eyes look upon me asI had always been, feeling what it was like to be one of the demons they had always feared.
If all we had dealt with had been Alaric’s newborns, who had been trained to incite chaos, their idea of vampires was all wrong. But I had an all-consuming feeling that Father would never listen to reason, and sympathizing was treason, which meant we had to get this portal closed. Father never spoke of crossing the portal himself, but I wouldn’t put it past him to attempt to eradicate the source.
I always thought we needed to close the portal to protect the humans from the demons. But maybe we also needed to protect the demons from the humans.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
He leaned down, cupping my cheek with one of his hands, his thumb softly caressing my cheekbone.
“I think I’d like you to calm me down.”
“You think or you know?”
I smiled through the nerves. “I know. I need you to calm me.”
