“I don’t know anymore.”
Lev hauls me against his chest and buries a hand into my hair, wrenching me against him until there isn’t a breath between us. Fire ignites and explodes with the first press of his lips, the stroke of his tongue. He takes, devours, and consumes. There’s nothing left of the man who’s tip-toed around me for weeks.
It’s the kind of kiss that tears souls apart. I hand mine to him for safekeeping, for him to own and destroy as he sees fit.
Abruptly, he stands, lifting me onto the desk and standing between my legs. His grip on my hair tightens the harder he kisses, and, despite the sting, I don’t want it to ever end.
Thiscan never stop…
I kiss him back just as fiercely, releasing weeks of pent-up desire. My arms tighten around his neck, holding me to him as firmly as I’m in his grip.
He wrenches my hair back until he’s kissing from my mouth, down my jaw, and towards my neck, my body lurching beneath his touch. It—I—want more. I want the kind of things I never wanted with Alessio. I trust Lev, and he should have the rest of me.
He nips over my pulse, enticing a breathy,“Lev,”from my throat.
It becomes the moment’s downfall.
He freezes, lips hovering. His grasp slowly loosens, fingers tangling in the strands as he escapes. Once his hand is free, he rips his entire body away, backing up a few feet and turning around. Hands that were just holding me like he wasn’t ever willing to let go scrub his face.
“Lev—”
“You should go upstairs. I’m sorry. Go out with that guy. Date people you can be with.”
I slide off the desk and slowly walk towards him, trying to limit the distance between us, even though he’s slipping further and further away. “What if I don’t want him?”
“Then find someone else. Anyone but me. I’m sorry, but we can’t. My family—your family—” He sighs, finally facing me. Apology darkens his eyes, hiding the truth he’s trying so hard to bury: longing and regret. “You’re not meant for me. Have anyone else.”
“Lev—”
“Leave.Pozhaluysta…please.” The second plea is a whisper unable to climb the barrier he’s erected.
Denying him is tempting, considering it’s coming from Zeno’s misplaced rhetoric; that just because he didn’t force me into being a Cosa Nostra woman doesn’t mean Ihaveto get with someone outside the mob.
But Lev’s tormented expression shatters my resolve. He’s done so much for me, and it’s my turn. So, for him, I give him his peace. I let him end what could be by turning for the stairs and hiding the sob that bubbles up. Once I’m gone, he’ll have his space without wrecking this friendship more than I already have.
“I can’t do this anymore.” His whisper carries across the basement, yanking my heart—and my stupid, silly hope—from my chest.
My foot lifts to the bottom stair, about to crush the broken organ beneath it.
Near-silent steps cross the room by the time I reach the second. He snatches my arm, twists me back around, and hauls me down to his level. Crazed eyes devour me seconds before the rest of him does.
“Fuck it.”
His mouth descends on mine.
35
LEV
With those two words, I damn myself.
I break the trust of my Pakhan. Could potentially start a war with Zeno.
And yet…I don’t stop.Can’tstop. Can’t attempt to end this again. I tried. I failed. Turns out, I’m weak. Uncontrolled. Papa would be ashamed.
My hand delves back into her hair, like when I held her on my desk. So many fantasies bloomed then, ones I previously couldn’t dare to have. It was her whispering my name that nearly destroyed me, returning me to the present and shattering the single second of peace I discovered kissing her.
Truepeace. Peace I never believed possible.
