“Understood.”
“You…you’re my Elite. One of my most trusted.” She shakes her head, rubbing a hand down her face. “I don’t know what to think. Ana asked me to go easy on you because you care for her. So I have to ask: was it only sex?”
It should be. Shouldhavebeen. Fuck, it shouldn’t have been anything,only sexor otherwise. From the moment I kissed her, I knew eventually, she’d return home, and this would end.
I never actually considered breaking an obsession. Papa’s tried that in the past, and his answer was to lock me in prison. It never worked how he wanted it to, but maybe it’s what needs to happen: a full year in there to ensure I stay away from her after this.
Because it’s not only sex, and I don’t think it ever was.
“Nyet.”
She blinks. “I think that’s the most emotion I’ve heard from you yet.”
“It was one word.”
“It wasn’t what you said, but how you said it.” She pauses, rubbing her tongue across her teeth. “Help me understand why, when you’re aware of who she is. Why risk two leaders’ wrath? She’s not meant for this life. Zeno wants her away from the mob, and you’re right in the middle of one.”
Like he’s done such a good job keeping her away.“I’m aware.”
“Do you? I witnessed differently inside.”
“Does it matter? I have to now, don’t I? Have to watch her marry that asshole.”
She sighs, her arms dropping to her side. “Suppose I should go easy on you. Their wedding is bound to be punishment enough.”
“Do whatever, Vanessa…Pakhan.” My head tips in the respect I’m not really feeling right now as a sign of faith. “I deserve any punishment you choose, and I knew it the second I touched her, even when I tried so fuckin’ hard to stay away.”
“I believe you,” she murmurs so softly, the wind nearly drowns her out. “I know you, Lev. You wouldn’t risk your position for anyone. You don’t allow people to get close, but if she’s managed to, it means she’s special. That Ana was correct in claiming you care for her.”
“She makes everything clearer. Makes my head focus.” Like Anastasia, I’ve never admitted much to Vanessa, but she’s picked up enough over the years to understand me on a general level.
Vanessa hums. “I’m pissed at you, but I’m tabling this for now—forher. The next few weeks will be trying, and fuck knows that girl needs some happiness in her life. If you’re it, then I’llpretend to be okay with it. But once Vitale is gone, wewillbe talking.”
She spins on her heel and heads back into the mansion without another word, leaving me to my regrets, my thoughts…my feelings.
My pain.
46
SERAFINA
Vanessa’s plane touches down in Rome, and it’s with a mounting sense of dread we all deboard. Vanessa exits first with a frown angled my way, followed by Anastasia. It’s been days since her show, and she’s hung around more often, making herself my second protector. Vanessa’s also attempting to stick closer to the mansion, but duties keep her busy some days.
Meanwhile, my actual protector has barely looked my way, always conveniently finding other places to be, save for when it comes to school. The first day of classes post-show, I half-expected Anastasia to drive me instead, but there he was, waiting for me in his car, making for the most uncomfortable drive.
Yesterday, in a half-baked attempt to strike a conversation, I pointed out: “You probably don’t need to keep trailing me to school. The entire thing was to keep me hidden from Alessio, but that’s no longer needed.”
My comment was met with a glare, a clench of his jaw, and more stony silence.
Lev lifts from his seat in the furthest corner of the plane, which feels like the furthest from me too. He’s pissed,understandably so, but I wish he’d talk to me rather than glare. He treads down the aisle, pausing beside me.
It’s now or never, I suppose. Within the hour, I’ll officially be an engaged woman.
“Lev—”
He sweeps me into his arms, a crushing kiss filled with his apology finding my mouth. It’s been days since we’ve kissed, since he’s done anything other than glower, and I miss him. Without him, an ache’s carved itself into my chest.
It ends too quickly; the people waiting outside will grow weary if we take too long, though I’d like to pretend they’d understand. Anastasia admitted to figuring it out, even that she suspected beforehand. Vanessa stopped me outside the mansion that day to verify.
