Caring about people is a strange notion. It’s an emotion I never quite understood. I care about Anastasia, but we’re bonded by blood. Dimitri became a close friend, united over our shitty fathers and training. My friendship with Vanessa came later, though I knew her because she and Ana hung out as teenagers, when Papa brought us around the mansion. Since she’s become Pakhan, she’s owned my fealty.
I care about all of them enough to die for them, but they’re people—family—who’ve been around most of my life.
Serafina doesn’t fit in with any of them. With her, it’s a different kind ofcaring. A kind there is no title for. A different part of my heart clinging to hers.
“I need you by my side for this,” she pleads, ensuring it’s exactly what’ll happen.
With those words, she seals my death. She asked, so I’ll be doing it, exactly like taking the job of protecting her in the first place. All because she asked. Everything at her request.
So, so curious.
“It’s the only way I’ll be able to go through with it.” Because what she’s said so far wasn’t enough. She’s already stripped me down; why not take my fucking soul with her too?
My lips slide up and down her neck, silently whispering words to her—telling her my feelings—in a language she’ll never understand, because I certainly don’t. I don’t know what it means, how to speak the words, how to describe the clenching of my heart or what this entire thing is doing to me.
“Thank you for understanding.”
“I don’t understand,” I reply, tone flat. “I’ll never accept this.”
“A couple months. Then, it’ll be over.”
Why do I have the dreadful feeling this will never be over?
“Can you put me down?”
Reluctantly, I do, straightening the dress I should be tossing onto the floor right about now. What began as a perfect night, with her looking like a vision, has turned into my nightmare. Though she’s still more beautiful than anything in the world, the sight of her like this will forever be a reminder of what’ll soon be happening.
The next time she’s dressed up, it’ll be in a wedding dress.
One. Two One.
She takes my hand, walking the stretch my arm allows. With a tilt of her head towards the mansion, she indicates her wishes, but this time, I deny her. “I can’t go back inside yet.” Not until I finish breathing, because coming out here wasn’t enough, not when the focus of my issues followed and ruined the night air.
She drops her hand to her side, her expression falling right alongside it. I hate making her sad, though considering she’s all but destroyed me, it’s what I’m stuck on.
“You go ahead. I’ll see you later. And Fina,” I call before she gets too far away, “you look absolutely gorgeous. Taking you to the ballet tonight was an honour.”
Every step she takes, my insides crack a bit more, imagining a similar walk away from me. One down an aisle to Vitale.
As she approaches the mansion, a third figure appears, my torment being dragged out between each person. They share a few words before Serafina continues to the house, and my Pakhan continues, stopping a few feet away and crossing her arms. Death lines her eyes, her jaw sharp enough to break glass, and she shakes her head once.
I deserve everything she’ll say and do to me, but I won’t regret any of it.
“I told myself I was imagining it,” she starts. “Thatyouwouldn’t do something like that, especially after you promised me you two were barely friends. The way you looked at herbefore you left tonight, then your behaviour in my office, what you said… Lev, how could you?”
I remain silent, rocking on my feet, wishing the wind could take me along with it.
No, not even then. Running leaves Serafina alone, and I won’t do that to her.
“It’s unlike you. So much so, I don’t believe it.” She gestures behind her without turning. “I asked her about it, to ensure it was something you both wanted. Do you know how fucking painful that was? So I could be absolutely certain before talking to you.”
“I’d never hurt her.”
“I’m aware. She said you fought it for a while.”
“Da.”
“I asked myself what to do the entire way out. Zeno needs to know, but he has enough shit to deal with, and I’d prefer not to add to it, which means I’m lying to him. But he will, Lev, eventually be told. He’s her brother, the head of her family, and he’s responsible for her.”
