Memories assaulted him, of every time El had said she never wished to wed.Sometimes jokingly, sometimes more seriously, and when they had been lying in bed, her eyes wet as she’d told him of the horrors of her mother and father’s marriage.Of how he’d contrived to be on another continent during her first season, of how he’d claimed it was for his Grand Tour but instead it had been because he did not wish to see her dancing with other men, being courted by them, choosing one of them as her husband.How he’d delayed and delayed reading each of her letters until he could delay no longer, and the relief he had felt when she had never mentioned a suitor, had never written she was engaged.
He’d stayed away for her second season as well, and her third, but he could not force himself away for her fourth, and the relief had been sharper when he’d seen for himself how she entertained no suitor.When she’d asked his help in deterring any who tried.Of how he had never courted anyone, not truly, all because he had known in a place he had buried deep that for him, it was only ever El.
When she’d announced she wished a lover, of course he leapt at the chance to be hers, and he’d told himself he was happy with whatever she gave him.However, deep inside, he’d always wanted more.
Christ, his brother was right.He wanted to marry El.He’d always wanted to marry El.
Unnoticing of Benedict’s turmoil, the Earl continued, “You will propose to Lady Eleanor and you will do it immediately.Marriage would serve two purposes: circumvent any rumours and make you happy.”
Jaw working, he stared at his brother.He couldn’t bloody do that.“El has made her position quite clear.”
“Ladies can be persuaded.”
Benedict gave a humourless laugh.“That you are married to Lady C and can say that as if you truly believe it is the very height of comedy.”
“We are not talking of me and my lady.We are talking of you and yours.”
The thought stabbed his chest.El as his lady.Christ.He wanted that, with a fervour he’d never before allowed himself to feel.“I know her, Simon, better than I know myself.”His brother blinked.Benedict could not even remember the last time he had used his brother’s Christian name.“She will not wed.”
“Well, you had better find a way to convince her otherwise.”
He opened his mouth to retort again, but what was the point?“It no longer matters, Colgrove.She has ended it.”Even he was surprised by the despair in his voice.
His brother fell silent.“I am sorry for you, Benedict, but it does not change things,” the Earl finally said.
“It changeseverything.”
“Why has she ended it?”
He could not tell his brother of El’s fears.That was a confidence she had shared with him that he would not betray.“She is afeared of discovery.”
His brother shook his head.“As well she should be, however you know what you must do.”
“She does notwishit, Colgrove.”
“You must find a way to convince her.You have dishonoured her.You must rectify that.Lady Eleanor deserves better from you.You cannot avoid the consequences of your actions forever.This will end badly, and my hand will be forced.Let it not come to that—Do not let your life together start on such terms.A scandal and a forced marriage is not what I wish for either of you.”
His brother continued his threats.Benedict stared at him, his frustration and anger growing with every condescending word his brother spoke.“Enough!”he finally roared.
His brother stopped mid-word, shock painting his face.
“I will proceed with El as I see fit,” he continued intensely.“You do not get to dictate this, Colgrove.If we marry, it will be because I can convince her to look past her fears.If we do not, it is no concern of yours and you will make no more ultimatums.”He shoved his hand though his hair.‘I know El better than anyone.If there is to be hope, I will discern a way.”
His brother opened his mouth to protest.
“Further, I will be moving out of Colgrove house.”
His brother’s mouth snapped shut.
Now that he’d uttered the words, he realised how correct they felt.A sort of calm settled over him.Yes.This was right.
Faint distress cut into his brother’s face.“Benedict, I did not mean to force you from our home—”
“That is not what you said a month ago, but you are correct.I have thirty years now.”He exhaled.“I must stand on my own feet.”
His brother nodded.“Caraney House stands ready for you.”
“No.”He could not live at Caraney House.Not with memories of El everywhere.“I will find my own lodgings.”
