So much had happened.Too much.Most of it awful.
And yet, his heart had found a steadier rhythm over the course of the last two weeks.He knew the reason for this of course.It was all thanks to his godmother’s lovely companion, Miss Melody Roberts.
But with her lack of pedigree taken into account, both his closest friend, Adrian, and his godmother, had warned him away from the lady, which had come as a blow.Even though their point was valid: the illegitimate daughter of a laundress could not become attached to an earl without difficulty.
The matter required some serious contemplation, which was why he’d chosen to get away for a bit.So he could sort through his feelings and think.
Hell, he still wasn’t sure his acquaintance with Miss Roberts would lead to more than friendship.His heart remained raw from the loss of Evie.Her death had punched a hole in his chest, creating a pain so intense he feared he’d never recover.
Still, Miss Roberts had managed to stir emotions trapped deep within him.A need for happiness to fill his life once more.The desire to find a woman to dote on and love.A chance to settle down and start a family.
Whether or not he’d ever do so with her, he’d no idea.The feelings were unexpected and confusing.
What he did know was that he didn’t want anyone else interfering any more.When it came to this, only he could choose the right path.And he must do so without his family or friends, or even Miss Roberts, influencing his decision.
So he’d fled.In a way.Sought refuge.
Not that he hadn’t returned here for other reasons.Winter was coming.Several estate matters required immediate attention.He’d have come regardless.But he’d not have felt quite so…adrift.
“Mind if I join you?”Mama asked as she made her approach.
Only a few early strands of white hair hinted at her advancing years.Anyone who saw her from a distance would think her a much younger woman, no older than twenty.Her movements were full of vigor, her manner bright and cheerful.
It was hard to feel anything but energized when in her company.Even after Papa’s death ten years earlier, she’d had a life-doesn’t-end-for-the-rest-of-us-so-we’d-best-get-on-with-it kind of attitude.Even though Edward knew the experience had crushed her.
But she’d had three children to see to.Grown children, but children nonetheless in the way she’d viewed it.Whatever pain she’d felt had been set aside in order to make sure her daughters and son were all right.And somehow, through that, Edward reckoned she’d found her own way of healing.
The answering smile he gave her as she approached was full of love.“Your company is always welcome, Mama.”
“I worry you may not think so in a moment when I press you for answers.”A hint of mischief caught her eyes.
Despite the wave of apprehension that suddenly barreled through him, he managed a jovial tone as he said, “You’re free to ask me whatever you wish, just as I am free not to respond.”
A crease appeared on her brow and her mouth flattened a little.Having reached him, she slapped his upper arm and raised her chin.“There’s no point in being difficult, Edward.You know I’ll figure everything out in the end anyway.”
He chuckled.“Figure what out?”
“The reason behind your good cheer.”
“What?”
She angled her head, a secretive smile curving her lips, and glanced along the path that lead across to the pond.“Shall we stroll?”
“Very well.”She’d already made him her project.No point in trying to escape now.He offered his arm and steered her around a rose bed.“What is it you wish to know?”
It was a lovely day.Especially for this time of year.While it had rained overnight, forcing a few loose leaves from the trees and leaving the soil moist, the sky had since cleared and the sun now warmed the air.It warmed his face as they walked.Not as much as it would have during the summer, but enough to assure him that it would probably be another two months before winter truly arrived.
Mama tilted her head toward him, peeking out from beneath the brim of her cream-colored satin bonnet.Her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners.A tendril of dark hair fluttered against a rosy cheek.
When she spoke next, her voice was so warm it seemed to embrace him.“I know life has been cruel to you lately.When I saw the impact Evelyne’s death had upon you, I feared for your health, Edward.”
His throat tightened.“She and I should have married.”
It was the first time he had allowed himself to voice this out loud.For some stupid reason, he’d always kept his feelings for Evie private.So private, in fact, he’d never revealed the contents of his heart to Evie herself.Only to Adrian, after Evie was gone.
A mistake he’d never forgive himself for.
“Why didn’t you?”
