“To some degree, I’ll grant you, but they don’t become completely different people and—”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help those in need. I’ll not allow you to fault me for finding comfort in the work I’m doing.”
“Of course not. I didn’t mean to imply that I did. It’s just…you were never able to sit still for any great length of time. Whenever I’d see you during Sunday service your gaze would be wandering everywhere, and as soon as the service was done, you’d usually hurry outside as if desperate to flee. Because you hated being forced indoors for any duration of time and because…” A memory, piercingly sharp, caught hold of his mind.
“What?” she asked, her brow wrinkling slightly.
“You always insisted God couldn’t be found in a building – that if one wished to find Him, one had to go out into nature.”
“I remember,” she said, her voice but a whisper.
“And yet you intend to bind yourself to a man who will force you into the very church you wish to escape, every day of the week. A man with whom you disagree on something elementally defining. Edward is going to be a vicar, Sophia, a man for whom the church encompasses God’s very essence.”
Her jaw tightened. She gave her head a swift shake. “What are you doing, Jack?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Edward and I have known each other for what feels like forever. We understand each other, even if there are matters on which our opinions differ. He is willing to give me the protection of his good name, which is more than any other man has ever offered me or is likely to offer me in the future. To say no to him would be incredibly foolish on my part, even if I do have to spend every day indoors, listening to scripture that doesn’t make me feel the least bit closer to God. But what does help – what does distract me from the gnawing ache of knowing I’ll never be able to marry the man I…” She sucked in a breath and stood, eyes wide with horror. Backing away, she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m able to do some good, then that’s enough. It has to be enough.”
He stared at her while his heart pounded hard against his chest. Hope gripped his stomach, turning it upside down while heat washed over his skin. He got up as well and stalked toward her, only stopping when she raised her hand.
“The man you what, Sophia?” His voice was hoarse, his body vibrating with the need to discover the truth.
She stared at him for a long drawn-out moment before she finally shook her head once more and said, “Nothing.”
Disappointment gripped his muscles, instilling in him a dangerous mixture of anger and pain. She was lying to him and the realization of this caused him to act. His hands came up of their own volition and gripped her arms hard. She gasped, but he didn’t let go. “Tell me, Sophia.”
“Stop it, Jack.”
“Not until you tell me who you’d rather marry instead.”
“I can’t!”
“Why?”
“Because it would make no difference,” she said as tears clogged her throat. “Because the confession would only make everything worse.”
He searched her eyes and found so much pain there it stabbed at his chest. “You’re certain of this?”
She stared back at him. “I don’t know why we’re discussing this, Jack. It’s a pointless issue.”
“What about this, Sophia?” He knew he was being rash and that she might hate him for what he was driven to do. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself any longer. So he drew her closer and dipped his head. “Is this a pointless issue too?”
6
Sophia knewshe shouldn’t allow him to kiss her – was keenly aware her heart would likely break in the aftermath. But in this moment, this brief illusion Jack offered, she had no choice but to give in to his advance. It was, after all, like a dream come true – his mouth on hers, an exchange of breath, and the feel of his hand pressing into her back as he held her close.
She sighed against the touch of his lips, firm yet soft as they swept over hers in sweet exploration. Her fingers stole over his shoulders, tracing the muscle there as they crept higher, giving herself the freedom to touch him as she’d yearned to do for so long. Her hands found each other, forming a loop around his neck. His teeth scraped her flesh, nibbling gently, inquiring if she desired more without attempting to force the issue.
Alive with the wonder of this shared closeness and how right it felt, she parted her lips and granted him entry while arching into his solid frame. He made a rough sound – a rumbling of sorts – and guided her backward.
“Sophia.” Her name was but a guttural sound, nearly lost in the kiss.
But she heard it, the raw emotion in his voice provoking feelings she’d tried so hard to bury. And as he lowered himself to the bench and pulled her into his lap, she clung to him with all she was, desperate to imprint this moment upon her brain – all too aware that it could not last.
Later, after this stolen haven in time, she’d have to face reality. A world in which she and Jack would never be able to have each other. She’d have to face Edward. His name fluttered through her mind even as she spoke Jack’s. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, encouraging her to sink against him. His fingers were in her damp hair while he drank from her as if parched. The blanket he wore had slipped to his waist, allowing her to press her palm to his chest.
Hot skin stretching across firm planes of muscle greeted her touch. All traces of the chill creeping over the winter landscape outside had been completely erased. It made it so easy for her to forget.
