She chuckled, mostly because of the seriousness with which he asked. “No. It’s one of the things I love about you. As for the rest, there’s your dedication to your profession, your willingness to come to my aid even though you scarcely knew me, the self-deprecation I witnessed when you realized you’d misdiagnosed me, the dedication with which you saw to my recovery, purchasing those night writing books so I could practice, taking an interest in my interests, offering helpful advice, pursuing a new language in order to further your medical knowledge.” She took a deep breath and confessed, “This is off the top of my head. I’m sure I can think of more reasons if I really put my mind to it.”
His expression remained inscrutable. Without warning, he stood and crossed to the nearest window. It overlooked part of the garden, rhododendrons mostly. Hands clasped behind his back he appeared more strained than before.
“What about Mr. Fairbanks?”
Louise pulled back her shoulders and raised her chin. “He caught me by surprise the other evening. Given our very brief courtship, I never imagined he would propose so soon, much less make such a public display of it.”
She’d hated every excruciating second.
“I was under the impression you loved him.” He threw her a glance, his eyebrows raised to underscore the question.
It took the air out of her. “Why would you presume such a thing?”
“Because it’s what you said.” He returned his gaze to the view and cleared his throat. “While in Dorset, I overheard you. You were talking to yourself and you said you’ve loved Mr. Fairbanks for years. That he has always been the man you’ve dreamed of one day marrying.”
Louise frowned and tried to think back until she recalled the incident he referenced. “I was thinking out loud, mulling over the contents of my heart and mind. Attempting to put them in order. Had you lingered a moment longer outside the door, you would have heard me say that everything I thought I wanted started to change the day I met you. To be honest, I no longer know what I saw in Mr. Fairbanks to begin with. Compared with you he seems so lacking.”
Mr. Berkly snorted. “He used to be one of my closest friends.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. That was a long time ago.”
She pondered this, then asked, “Did he also turn his back on you when your father was arrested?”
“No. He and a few others tried to stand by me. Eventually, it was I who walked away from them. To make their lives easier.”
“I see.”
Mr. Berkly sighed. He scrubbed a hand across his jaw and turned to face her. “You’re young, my lady, and ready to fall in and out of love too easily. Mr. Fairbanks is a decent man. He’ll treat you well. I’m certain of it.”
His cool dismissal of her affection and his insistence she marry a man she did not care for outraged her. Especially when she was certain Mr. Berkly harbored deeper feelings for her. She’d sensed it when she’d held his gaze at the ball. She still did. But perhaps she was wrong? Maybe she’d fabricated his reciprocity - imagined something that wasn’t there?
No. If she were capable of deceiving herself in such a manner, she would have done so with Mr. Fairbanks years ago, yet with him she’d always known he did not return her sentiment, though she had believed he might one day if he gave her a chance.
She stood, hands balled at her sides. “Don’t do this.” When he simply stared at her with impregnable fierceness, she said, “You have never struck me as a coward, Mr. Berkly. But if you walk away from me, if you deny what’s between us and choose not to fight for what could be, then that is what I shall always remember you as.”
A nerve ticked at the edge of his jaw. He narrowed his gaze. Perhaps she’d pushed too hard?
“There is nothing more between you and me than what is natural between a patient and her physician. There never can be.”
“Why?” she asked as she stalked toward him, unwilling to back down. “Because you think you’re not good enough? Is that it?”
“Damn you, Louise. I know I’m not good enough. Not when it comes to courting an earl’s daughter.”
“So you have thought of courting me?” She moved closer to where he stood, his casual use of her name strengthening her resolve.
Irritation flared in the depth of his eyes. He muttered a curse. “What I may or may not have thought is entirely irrelevant.”
“I disagree.”
“Your father will murder me where I stand if he even suspects I’ve an interest.”
“Have you an interest?”
“Dear God, woman.”
“Have you an interest?” she repeated as she stepped right up to where he stood. Back straight and chin raised, she held his gaze while blood thundered through her veins.
