“So your grandfather added consequences to the settlement?”
“He’s German with a fondness for predictability and order.” Louise wove her fingers together and frowned up at Mr. Berkly. “Will you not sit?”
It seemed to take him a moment to mull over that suggestion before he finally lowered himself to his seat. Louise considered the tea tray and was glad to find the cups unused. Apparently the men had favored stronger drinks instead. She reached for the pot and proceeded to pour herself a cup, ever conscious of Mr. Berkly’s gaze. It was fixed on her like glue.
“In short,” she said once she’d had a chance to enjoy a soothing sip of her warm beverage, “Papa will have to forfeit all rights to the funds Mama brought into the marriage if he is ever caught with another woman. She would gain complete control of the purse strings.”
“A humiliation in exchange for a humiliation?”
“Exactly so.”
“And you caught him in a…compromising situation?”
“I did. Two years ago the three of us travelled to the continent on a tour that included a visit to my grandparents’ home. We also went to Paris.” She bit her lip while thinking back to the moment when she’d gained her bargaining chip. “Maybe it was the Frenchness of it all that persuaded him to be reckless. Perhaps the misplaced idea that his unfaithfulness would go unchecked as long as it happened abroad. In any event, he was not seeing to his correspondence as he’d told me and Mama he would do while we went shopping. When I returned to the suite of rooms we’d rented in order to fetch a shawl, I found him on the sofa with the maid who’d arrived with coffee when Mama and I headed out.”
“Good lord.”
“Quite.”
“So you chose to risk the eventual repercussion of having the surgery against his wishes because you knew he’d be forced to either accept your decision or lose his right to the funds he has at his disposal.”
“Yes.”
“You still should have told me.”
“Would you have helped me if you’d known I wasn’t legally permitted to thwart my parents?”
He appeared to think on that before he said, “I’m not sure.”
“Which is why I told you I’d reached my majority.” She drank some more tea, then set the cup aside. “It may not have been the correct thing to do, but at the time it felt necessary for the sake of ensuring your compliance.”
“You manipulated me.”
“I did. You were a means to an end at first - the answer to my prayers. The only reason my choice has become so hard for me to bear is because…”
“Because?”
Louise drew a shuddering breath. This was her chance to be open with him, to risk her heart and her pride by telling him how she felt. She steeled herself against the possibility of rejection and forged ahead without second guessing the words she had come here to speak.
“Because I fell in love with you and the thought of you hating me is crushing my spirit and leaving me wretched.” She’d not wanted to become overly emotional, but drat it all, it was difficult not to when she was baring her soul like this, and now, God help her, the eyes he’d worked on with such precision were misting.
She gave them both a swift swipe to force back the tears that threatened, and stiffened her spine in anticipation of how he might respond.
“You fell in love with me?” He spoke the words slowly, with no small amount of incredulity.
“It was difficult not to, all things considered.”
A frown creased his brow. “How so?”
An unexpected degree of calm overcame her. He’d not reciprocated her proclamation, had offered no assurance he would, yet the comfort she’d always found in his presence obliterated the worry she’d had over meeting with him.
He was first and foremost her friend, and they were just talking. The subject, as personal as it might be, was almost inconsequential. What mattered most was the open dialogue - the feeling she could confide anything in him, even the contents of her heart - without his passing judgment.
With him she experienced a sort of safety she’d never enjoyed with anyone else. When at home, her parents always remarked on her shortcomings. When in public, friends and acquaintances tended to do the same. Wherever Louise had turned, there had always been an underlying pity. Along with a firm belief she was flawed and could not be expected to make as brilliant a match as other young ladies.
“You’ve never treated me differently from anyone else,” she began, in answer to his question.
He gave her a curious look. “Should I have done?”
