He expelled a deep breath. “Thank God.” Cassandra wasn’t sure what he meant by that and he must have realized as much because he quickly added, “We’ll be back in England in roughly five months which means you’ll be able to have a proper midwife tend to you.”
Cassandra nodded and tried her best not to let the comment dampen her good mood. But it was hard, because it also meant she’d have to remain in England while Devlin went off on another journey without her. They’d be apart and by the time he returned, the baby would be at least six months old. It wasn’t a situation she would have minded when she’d decided to be his wife, but her perspective on life had changed a great deal since then. Devlin mattered to her. She loved him with all her heart and could not imagine spending so much as one day apart from him.
His mind was, from that moment onward, focused on far more practical matters, like ensuring her comfort, having Mr. Talbot cook special meals to keep her well-fed, preventing her from doing anything he deemed too strenuous. It was endearing at first, but did not take long to become exasperating. Especially since she wasn’t even starting to show yet. And by the time she reached Calcutta two months later, after enduring a horrid month of constant queasiness along the way, Cassandra decided she’d had enough when Devlin insisted she needed a blanket, not a shawl, if she were to spend time outside.
“I am having a baby, Dev, not suffering from some incurable ailment. There is no need for me to confine myself to bed or to have someone take my arm every time I leave the cabin.”
“There’s always the risk you might fall,” he told her as if he were some great authority on all things related to childbirth. “Being precautious won’t do any harm, but carelessness might.”
She ground her teeth together and practically snarled. “You sound like my father did when I was a child.”
“Well, he obviously loved you very much and was simply trying to protect you.”
Cassandra glared at him. “If that were true, he would have stood by my side and offered support when he learned I was pregnant. So don’t you ever speak of him or of my mother again as if either of them ever cared about anything besides the very indelicate question of how having a wanton for a daughter and a bastard for a grandchild reflected on them.”
“I’m sorry.” His face had gone pale. “I spoke without thinking. Cass please, I’m only trying to do what is best.”
“I know. I’m sorry too.” Her moodiness this past week made her feel like a stranger to herself. “But this is not my first pregnancy, Dev. I have a fair notion of what to expect and what I need. Being treated like an invalid is not very helpful. And besides, I have to be able to manage on my own or it will be so much harder after you’re gone.”
“Gone?”
She nodded. “Unless you plan on remaining in England for at least three months, you’ll be away when I give birth.”
His brow creased in contemplation. “You’re right,” he said, causing a boulder the size of a barrel to wedge itself in Cassandra’s stomach. She’d hoped he might tell her he’d stay with her, that he wouldn’t sail off and leave her alone. Instead he just smiled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll try to be more considerate.”
“And less domineering,” Cassandra said since it wasn’t so much the consideration she minded.
“That too,” he agreed, though she’d have had to be deaf not to hear his reluctance.
“A cup of tea wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world though, if you’re willing to bring me a cup.”
“Of course not. I’ll be right back.” His eagerness to help her however he could lent a sparkle to his eyes and a bounce to his step.
Cassandra watched as he strode away. She’d married a sailor – a high ranking one – but a sailor no less, so she’d always known it would be like this. What she hadn’t counted on was how much she would hate the idea of him leaving her for long periods of time. She’d worry. She knew she would. After what she’d experienced during this journey, she’d worry about him every second of every day until he returned. It would be unbearable. And she wished, oh how she wished, he would choose not to leave. She wished he would choose her instead of the sea, even though she was aware it was selfish of her to do so.
Devlin loved the ocean. If he gave up his seafaring life for her, she’d always feel like she’d ruined part of his soul. Which meant there was nothing else for it but to accept what she had and be glad for the days they were able to spend together.
It waslate May by the time they docked in London’s harbor. After helping his men tack the ropes and prepare for disembarking, Devlin went to help Cassandra and Penelope pack the last of their things. “We’ll go straight to Camberly House if that’s all right with you,” he said.
“I’ve no other appointments at the moment,” Cassandra said with a grin. She tossed him a dress which he stuffed into one of the trunks. “And besides, I rather look forward to seeing Mary again and giving her our good news.”
Devlin eyed Cassandra with all the fondness he felt for her. She couldn’t quite hide the small bump she’d developed. And he realized he rather loved that. There was something immensely satisfying about being able to advertise the expansion of their family. It filled him with pride and, he had to admit, an overwhelming amount of dread.
For the most part, he’d managed to ignore it. He’d been too busy to turn it over and give it his full attention. But now they were leaving the ship and he’d have more time on his hands for the next four weeks – time enough to go mad with worry.
“Dev?”
He blinked. “Yes?”
“You were staring off into the distance. Is everything all right?”
No. It wasn’t. Not exactly.
Instead he said, “Of course,” and smiled, then distracted her by suggesting she hand him the book lying on her bed.
She frowned, assuring him she wasn’t so easily fooled, but she went along with it anyway, and before he knew it they were in a carriage together with Penelope, their luggage strapped to the top, as they made their way through the busy London traffic.
“I’ll send for Mother and Griffin straight away so they can come join us,” Caleb said once the greetings at Camberly House had been taken care of and Caleb’s children had received their gifts. He gave a few quick instructions for the butler to follow.
