His hold on her softened, but he didn’t let go. “And you are lying to yourself and to me if you keep on insisting that you’re not pretty or worthy of attention.”
“I’m not pretty,” Emily stated, because it was what she genuinely believed.
“And yet somehow you managed to convince not one man but two to kiss you within only five minutes of each other.”
“I did not convince Mr. Bale to do so.”
Lord Griffin’s chuckle was grim. “There is no other reason why he would have walked into a dark corner of the garden with you, Miss Howard.”
She hadn’t quite thought of it like that. And yet… “It is a well-known fact that men are willing to let their baser urges guide them. I took advantage of that fact.”
An incredulous laugh burst past his lips. He halted his progress, forcing her to stop walking as well. “Is that what you think?”
It was what she had thought at the time, but Emily was no longer sure if this theory of hers had merit. Still, she wasn’t quite ready to relent, so she gave him a nod instead.
He stared at her for a long drawn-out moment, then muttered something she failed to hear and walked away. She followed him at a slow pace, stopping again when he spun back toward her, his expression both angry and confused and something else she couldn’t place.
His finger rose like that of a chastising parent about to tell off a naughty child. “You…” The words seemed to stick in his throat. He shook his head, stopped pointing at her, and instead shoved both hands in his pockets. When he spoke again, his voice was calmer although it still remained wrapped in emotion. “You’re wrong.”
Unsatisfied with such a simple remark since it failed to explain or convince her of anything, Emily knit her brow. “I don’t think so.”
“Then let me elaborate for you.” There was a glint in his eyes now, a firmness to his mouth and his jaw that made him look rigid and stern. For some indescribable reason, this caused a frisson to dart down Emily’s spine. “Men do not go about kissing every woman who bats their eyelashes at them. By God, if that were the case we would not have been alone in the garden that evening but rather surrounded by other kissing couples. And just to be clear, I would not have done what I did if you had been anyone else.”
Emily blinked. Fury had stolen into his gaze as he’d spoken, and her body responded, not with fear or displeasure, but with an elemental need to step into his space and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to feel his body flush against hers, to ease the tension in his muscles and kiss him until he was breathless.
But to do so would seal both their fates. Especially since her mother was seated not too far away. So she forced herself to focus, to put her thoughts in order and form a response that would not reveal the impact his words had just had on her. “I do not believe that.”
Perfect.
Nowshewas telling him thathewas being dishonest.
As expected, his eyes widened. He leaned toward her, crowding her with his indignation and rising temper. “Believe what you will, Miss Howard, but the fact of the matter is that I have wanted you since the first day I saw you. So I took advantage. Yes.Ikissed you. Not because you were eager to experience the act but because I was desperate to know what your lips would feel like beneath my own, because I was too weak to walk away from the chance you gave me, and because I was not about to let you kiss anyone else.”
Emily gaped at him. His confession was like a runaway carriage that had driven right over the firm belief she’d had of him kissing her simply because he’d been trying to distract himself from her comment about his scar. “But…” Lord Griffin looked as stricken as she felt. “The kiss you gave me did not convey any of that. I mean, it was not—”
“Passionate enough?” he prompted when she waved her hands in the air as if trying to conjure the necessary word.
“Exactly.”
He inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring, then scrubbed a hand over his face. “I acted on impulse that evening. It wasn’t until my lips met yours that I realized the ramifications of what I had done, but as soon as I did, I froze.”
“You worried that I would have expectations?”
“A woman’s first kiss is a precious thing. It would only be natural for you to want a deeper attachment after.”
Which was something she’d known he could not offer. “I understand. But now that you’ve gotten to know me better and you’ve learned how opposed to marriage I am, you’re willing to offer me more? Just as long as we’re both free to walk away when we’re finished?”
He stared at her mutely, as if she’d just hit him over the head with a block of wood. “You say the damndest things sometimes,” he eventually told her.
“I dare say it’s one of my finest qualities.”
“Without a doubt.” He seemed to consider her for a moment, as if something vastly important was plaguing his mind. But rather than voice it, he offered his arm and proceeded to lead her back to her mother, who remained oblivious to the outrageous conversation that had just taken place not far from where she sat.
Emily played the exchange over in her head later on that evening while readying herself for bed. Lord Griffin had made his position clear, but whether or not he would try to seduce her had yet to be determined, though she supposed he’d been at it for a while now already. Ever since he’d decided to come here with her.
The chance that this might be the case caused excitement to rise up inside her, even as she reminded herself of how dangerous such an experience could be. After all, she had just acknowledged her feelings for him, and they would only grow stronger if she chose to go down this path. And yet, what was the chance of another man coming along years from now and offering her the same opportunity? If she refused Lord Griffin’s advances, she might never know what truly went on between men and women who desired each other.
But would surrendering to seduction be worth the risk of eventual heartbreak?
