“That’s quite all right,” he said. “I didn’t like you either.”
Smiling in response to his sarcasm, she pressed the palm of her hand to the cool windowpane and watched as it left a steamy mark upon the glass. “You were arrogant and stern, without a hint of kindness about you. But then our journey began, we starting talking, and I shared things with you I’ve never shared with anyone else. Not even my own sisters.” He said nothing, but she knew he was paying attention. “Over the course of only six days, I’ve allowed you to access my most private thoughts, forging a bond that must soon be broken.” She felt her heart clench as she forced out those words. “You ought to know, when that moment comes, it will be the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. Because God help me, I…”
I’ve fallen in love with you.
That part remained lodged in her throat. She could not say it – could not be quite so daring – could not take the risk when she doubted he felt the same way. So instead, she forced back the threatening tears, drew a deep breath, and tamped down all her emotions. “I have never admired a man as much as I admire you, Lord Alistair.”
“I think we can dispense with the lord part,” he murmured.
Chuckling, she nodded before adding, “You have proven yourself to be charming, kind, righteous, and courageous. You’ve listened to everything I had to say with interest, and you have overcome temptation.” She turned to look at him, to meet his turbulent gaze. “I have been so lucky to spend this carriage ride in your company, and I shall always look back on these days we shared with fondness.”
“Louise…” His voice was a raw rasp of emotion. It went straight to her heart, forcing her to look away once more before he could see she was crying.
“I wish you all the happiness in the world, Alistair. You deserve it.”
“You speak as though we are parting ways forever when we arrive at Whitehaven.”
“Because that is what we shall do,” she said. “I am a governess – no more than a servant – while you are a duke’s heir. Your days at Whitehaven will be spent courting Lady Gwendolyn. And frankly, I won’t be able to watch that.”
“Why not?” The gruffness of his voice denoted the importance of his question.
Knowing she’d said too much, she shook her head. “It doesn’t signify.”
“It does to me.” His hand found hers, and when she tried to pull away, he held on tight. “I know you desire me as much as I desire you. It’s in your eyes whenever you glance my way, which is why it’s been so damnably hard for me to stay the proper course. But if there is more than that – if you feel a deeper connection to me, tell me and—”
“And what?” She could feel herself crumbling as they spoke, and she didn’t like it one bit. Damn him for forcing the truth upon her like this, for trying to make her share what was in her heart when it wouldn’t make an ounce of difference. “You will marry me instead of Lady Gwendolyn? You will risk your brother’s wrath? Your position in Society? Financial security?”
“I will inherit my brother’s title one day, and the fortune that comes with it.”
“And until then? Will you look forward to your brother’s demise because of how it will benefit you?”
Releasing her hand, he sat back with a look of horror upon his face. “Of course not.”
She nodded. “You do not know what it is to be poor or to be exiled from your social class. If you choose that path, you will come to resent me as much as I will come to resent you for denying me the chance to help Eve. And what will we have then besides bitterness and regret?” When he said nothing, she knew she’d opened his eyes to a world that waited beyond the passion he felt right now – a world in which he would have to live out the rest of his days. “Marrying Lady Gwendolyn is the right thing for you to do. She’s a marquess’s daughter – an earl’s sister – and she will make a good match for a man of your rank.”
“So then, this is really it?” He sounded as though he didn’t want to believe it, and yet she could see by his stark expression he already did.
“I’m afraid so.”
* * *
The remainderof their journey passed with stilted bits of mundane conversation. By the time they arrived at the final posting inn, Louise escaped upstairs to the room where she would spend the night and elected to take her supper alone. Alistair made no effort to stop her. If she felt as raw inside as he did, she would need some time alone to prepare for the following day’s arrival at Whitehaven.
So much had been left unsaid between them. He’d seen it in her eyes, the misery there enough to shatter his heart. Taking a moment to search the depths of his soul that evening, he contemplated a life without Louise in it. Was such an existence worth having?
No.
She was the only woman he would ever consider marrying. Not because of her beauty or because of how desperately he wanted her in his bed, but because he’d fallen in love with her – completely, madly, irrevocably – and no other woman would do. Which meant he would have to fight for the right to make her his, firstly by ridding himself of the problem his brother had created when he’d picked Gwendolyn as his bride.
So he set out at dawn after penning a note to Louise and hiring a horse from the inn. Riding fast through the bitter cold, his breath like steam from a boiling kettle, he reached Whitehaven by ten.
“My lord!”
One of the grooms ran to greet him, grabbing the horse’s reins while he swung himself down from the saddle. Thanking the lad, Alistair climbed the steps to the front door and opened it sharply.
“Lord Alistair,” the butler exclaimed, hastening toward him. “We weren’t expecting you quite this early. My apologies for not being there to greet you.” He looked past him for a second before asking. “Is Miss Potter not with you?”
“She will arrive later. I chose to ride ahead.” He removed his hat and pulled off his gloves, handing the items to the butler. “Has the family risen yet?”
