CHAPTERONE
Istared at the crack in the stone wall and the empty dread settled deeper into my bones.
Two weeks.
I’d been basically living in the sanctuary for two weeks staring at this crack and hoping that Gage would walk out of it alive. But… he was gone. I’d told myself that today was the day, that if he didn’t come back, or the portal didn’t magically restore itself, I would let him go.
A sob formed in my throat, and I stood, once again reaching out and pulling for my power. Purple arcs of light flared from my palms and licked the wall where the portal once stood, but nothing happened. It appeared that my portal making powers were limited and creating an opening to Avalon was not in the cards for me.
The back door opened, and I sighed, already knowing who it would be.
“Tatum,” Aurelia called behind me. There was so much pity in her voice. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. “I think it’s time to say goodbye.”
How did you say goodbye to someone when you weren’t sure what had actually become of them? There was no closure, no body, nothing.
“He could still be alive. He could still come back,” I said quickly, not turning to face her. She was a Portal Master, and even with her help we weren’t able to restore the portal to Avalon. It was just here one day and then it wasn’t. Was this my punishment for throwing a Shade into the heavenly city of Avalon? They cut off our access to it? Or maybe Gage’s dark magical energy just broke the thing? I’d racked my brain for countless hours trying to figure out how to fix it and I’d come up with nothing.
“He could…” Aurelia hedged. “But I think it’s time we focused on your studies. You have a great ability, but it needs to be shaped and molded so that you can live up to your potential.”
Yeah, and my “life mission,” which was a giant mystery since Cael hadn’t even told me in detail what that was because he’d claimed the time wasn’t right… whatever that meant. I only knew that my mission involved defeating Apollyon, which I was super on board with after he’d crashed my Ascension Ceremony. But since I’d broken the only way to get to Avalon to ask Cael about my mission and when the timewould beright, I might never know what I was supposed to do.
“Your mother is counting on you too, dear,” she said softly, and my body went rigid. A month ago I didn’t even know my mother was alive, and now I’d not only met her but learned that she was trapped in the Netherworld.
Aurelia was right, I needed to focus on getting my mom back too. I’d promised.
I turned slowly, finally facing the master Lumen. She was dressed in battle leathers, hands clasped in front of her as she looked down at me with compassion.
This was beyond hard. I wasn’t just grieving over the loss of Gage, but the loss of potential. For the person I knew he could have been. Of whatwecould have been had we had the chance.
“I know. I need to let him go,” I croaked.
She nodded and a single tear fell down my cheek. I’d sobbed myself to sleep the first three nights. But now I was running out of tears. Gage Alston was gone, and I needed to pick up the pieces of my life and move on.
Looking back at the crack in the wall one more time, I nodded.
Goodbye, Gage. I tried. I really tried to save you, I said, and then spun and left the building with Aurelia, leaving a piece of myself behind in the sanctuary.
* * *
It felt strange knocking on Gran’s door. Our relationship had been strained the last two weeks, and it wasn’t just because I’d hardly left the sanctuary since the day of my Ascension. It was also because we hadn’t had a real conversation since she’d dropped the bomb on me that Apollyon was my father. Learning the truth felt like a betrayal, especially considering how close we’d always been, and a small part of me resented Gran for not telling me about Apollyon sooner. It wasn’t fair of me. I knew it wasn’t. Gran was literally incapable of telling me the truth because of the curse Arthur had placed on her, and the times she’d tried had only made things worse for her, but a kernel of bitterness had taken root in my heart that day which kept me from her ever since.
But all that ended today. It wasn’t just time for me to let Gage go, it was also time for me to let go of the resentment I held against Gran. She’d been a victim of Apollyon and Arthur as much as I had, even more so. She bore the weight of an actual curse on her shoulders for seventeen years just for being part of my life.
The door swung open, and I almost took a step back when my gaze landed on Gran standing in the entryway. Her hair hung in loose waves that barely grazed her shoulders. Only a single streak of gray mixed in with her brown strands. Her brown eyes sparkled with life that wasn’t there months ago. Gran was always hunched, so I was used to looking down at her when we stood toe-to-toe, but her frame today was strong and straight, and I found she was actually eye level with me.
Gran was in her early sixties, but as long as I could remember she looked ten years older. Now that the curse was lifted from her, she looked ten yearsyounger. In fact, she looked younger than I ever remembered her being. The change was shocking, and I was so relieved the curse was gone.
“Tatum,” Gran said as I stood in shock in front of her. “Come on in, dear.”
She ushered me into her studio apartment. Drea had told me she’d been moved from the healing center into the family housing building next to the dorms last week. I barely noticed the room because I was so distracted by Gran’s physical transformation, but even from a brief glance around I could see she’d already started to make it her own. That made me happy.
“Gran, you look…” Words failed me, but she picked up on what I was trying to say and grinned.
“Watchers are known for aging well,” she said, but then the smile slipped off her face. “The curse was hard on my body as well as my mind.”
She fell silent for a moment; her eyes took on a faraway look as if she was thinking back over the years that she’d lived under that damned curse. My heart broke in that moment and an unbridled rage toward Arthur washed over me.
I’d been so consumed with myself I hadn’t really stopped and considered what Gran had gone through. What she’d had to endure.
