What do you do for fun?
What’s on your bucket list?
What do you do to relax?
What’s your biggest dream?
Tell me something fascinating about yourself.
And other kind of scintillating enquiries.
‘So, when they come in, I give them each one of these little scoring cards, right?’
‘It’s maybe better we don’t call them scoring cards, Heather. This isn’t a game of mini golf.’
‘But we’re giving them each a mini pencil, aren’t we?’
‘Yeah, one of the branded ones.’ Mir’s idea. I don’t know. Maybe she likes mini golf?
‘Let’s call them feedback cards.’ After all, that’s what they are. Cards with checkboxes to rate their speed dating companions.
Χ or ? as appropriate.
Yes I’d like to be contacted by this person again with a view to getting to know them better.
No thanks.
I’d like to hear from this person with a view to being friends.
Or FWB, please don’t tell us.
‘So they get a little pencil—’
‘And as much free booze as they need to loosen them up,’ Miranda interjects with a cackle.
‘No, they get a glass of some drink they’re making in honour of the evening.’ I wave my hand in the vague direction of the bar. ‘And there’s some prosecco after that, and a few bottles of wine; red and white. The last thing we need is a bunch of drunk, horny singles on our hands.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ Mir answers. ‘That sounds like some of my best work.’
‘Anyway,’ getting back to the topic at hand. ‘Heather, it’s your job to collect the score cards—’
‘Feedback cards,’ she corrects.
‘Yes, those. You collect them at the end of the evening and then we collate the scores, I mean, the information. Then we’ll get back to the participants through their membership email.’
‘And then one or two of the couples will see each other again,’ Mir exclaims, ‘they’ll have a date at the cinema, then he’ll take her for a nice meal, they’ll date for a couple of weeks, then shag, and fall in love. And then E-Volve gets in the newspapers again. Bish, bosh, bash!’
‘Yeah, we’ll see.’
‘You still don’t seem very excited for tonight. Come on, chill out.’ Mir’s arm slides around my elbow. ‘It’s going to be a grand success. People don’t take speed dating too seriously. It’s just a way to have a laugh and a few drinks, maybe meet some cool people, or get back into the saddle after a breakup. It’s just for shits and giggles, Ols. That’s all.’
‘We’re not in business for shits and giggles though, are we?’ At least I’m not.
‘You’re just feeling the pressure. First that thing inHiyaand now theEvening News.But that’s what happens when you become half of the hottest power couple in London.’ I actually groan because I know what’s coming next. ‘Bolivia.’
‘Wipe that grin off your face. It’s such a terrible portmanteau.’
‘Port man what?’
