‘Me?’
Eyes closed briefly, he nods just once. ‘Yes. Absolutely. Not so scary, see?’ His eyes open to their brilliant liquor-lustre, making me feel lightheaded. Love drunk. ‘Sweetheart, your turn.’
What?Bullshit that’s not scary!
A pulse hammers in my neck, the result of having my heart in my throat. I close my own eyes, trying to assemble my thoughts behind them, but all I can think is,I possess him like he possesses me. Duet not duel. He wants me and I want him.And it’s like these thoughts fill my head, leaving space for nothing else as my mouth does what it does best. It opens and spills words.
‘When you’re around, I tremble, like some heroine standing on the top of the battlements. You’re like my invader, come to do as you please. Take what you please. But I’m not scared, not while I’m in your arms, even though you shake my foundations, shake me, so all the things I believe are upside down. Because I crave it, yearn for you to make me do the things that please you. Because those things, somehow, please me, too.’
I clamp my lips closed, halting what must sound like a stupid stream of consciousness. Well, I almost stop. ‘Conquered. That’s how I feel as you push me further, further than I’d ever venture to think, and before I know it, I’m ready to jump. Just freefall. Free of me, free of all the things I think I should be. I just am. I’m just... me.’
The relief I feel is absolute as he smiles shyly at me—shyly!—the warmth of his smile making me all kinds of giddy.
‘Falling from the battlements, freefalling, floating... in the metaphoric moat?’ His voice hints at the salacious as he watches me, probably trying to gauge my reaction, or what other sort of idiocy I have in me.
‘If you’re asking me if you make me wet, the answer is yes.’ I lower my gaze and add, ‘With you, I’m...’
‘Yes?’ An upward inflection, a request to go on.
‘Consumed.’
I’m surprised by his sudden reserve as his gaze slides away this time. I totally gave him an in to another suggestive comment, but he doesn’t take it and in a flash of instinct, I opt for honesty. I can’t say it’s an actual conscious decision, as I don’t leave time for thought. I just jump in, my breath catching slightly as I begin to speak.
‘I can never get enough of you—’
‘I understand.’ His interruption is quiet but emphatic, his gaze now fixed on the night sky.
‘Because, Kai,’—his head turns slowly as I continue to speak— ‘I’m pretty sure I love you.’
He cuts off my soliloquy with his mouth, pushing his chair back and tearing mine out from under the table by its arm. Sinking to his knees, he kisses me like I’ve never been kissed, like he’d steal my soul from my mouth if he could. Drawing me to his chest, he presses his mouth against my ear.
‘I love you, Kate. You have my heart, my body, and my soul.’
Tears strain at my lids as I place my hand against his face. ‘Took you long enough, you idiot.’
His expression isn’t as I’d anticipated—I’d expected a smile, a laugh even. Serious still, he lays one hand on my shoulder, his gaze travelling my face.
‘But how I live, it’s so fucked up. Sofia, my father—they’re just the tip of the iceberg. You don’t deserve—’
I lay a finger across his mouth, halting his words. ‘But you’ll take care for me.’
Kissing it, he places my hand back against my knee before tilting my chin. ‘Then you’ll trust me, trust me to do so?’ I nod and his voice takes on a curious sort of edge. ‘And you’ll trust me to take careofyou? You won’t hide who you are from yourself? From me?’ My stomach twists because I know exactly what he means. ‘Look at me.’ His fingers still hold me as my reluctance to face this claws at my chest. ‘Have faith in me, Kate. In all ways. Tell me youtrust.’
‘I do.’ My voice sounds small and I don’t like it. Why is this so difficult to say? I take a deep breath and level my gaze on his. ‘I love you, Kai, and I’ll want you to take care of methatway.’ Then I frown. ‘Sometimes.’
His expression is a mixture of mirth and relief. ‘And sometimes you’ll want to tear off my head?’
‘Yeah.’ I laugh a little, my shoulders relaxing. ‘Just ‘cos I might let you push me around in the bedroom doesn’t mean I’m going to allow you to run my life.’
‘Thisisa bit of a revelation.’
‘Yep. I’ve decided I’m not going to make you push me into the briar patch,’ I say cheerfully and with a small shrug.
‘I see.’ The corner of his mouth lifts. Obviously he thinks I’m bat-shit crazy.
‘And this is a fairly rational conversation, you have to admit. I think we can safely say I’m no longer totally freaked out.’
‘No, less freaked out, definitely,’ he says, still half-smiling.What is he up to?
