SHANE
My shoes slapthe earth beneath my feet as Easton and I make our way down the path we take for our morning jogs. The alarm goes off at six every morning, and East and I head out for our warmup. It’s a great way to get our minds clear and bodies loose for a day of grueling baseball.
Walking into a day of training without warming up first is like asking for a pulled muscle. Spring Training is no joke. We’re a month in, and I’ve dropped ten pounds.
I glance over at my friend. Easton, on the other hand, looks like he’s put on weight—more specifically, muscle. He’s looking more and more like a major leaguer. That was something glaringly obvious when I walked into big league camp. Apparently, there is a big size difference between ballplayers in the minors versus the majors. It’s like everyone turns into a Viking once they cross over. Probably because of the food they provide at big league camp.
God, I miss that. Both Easton and I got reassigned to minor league camp last week. Paulie’s still with the big kids, since he’s a catcher. He’ll probably stay until thefinal round of cuts. They usually keep extra catchers since they need players to catch for all the pitchers on the Opening Day roster. I was disappointed even though I knew it was coming. But the worst part? Jed Stone Jr. was right there to witness the entire thing. It felt like a sign. He was the star-player, and I was an unwelcome extra in his show.
Doesn’t matter. I’m still going to prove I’m worthy of a Triple-A spot. Somehow.
My stomach grumbles, and I inwardly whine. I really miss the fucking food. Not that they starve us in minor league camp, but it’s more…Holiday Inn breakfast buffet. I still can’t believe Easton passed on those pancakes. He started this strict diet regime our first year. It’s definitely been making a difference for him.
Me? I just shove as much food as I can in my mouth and hope for the best. Like that time I made a stack of waffles and sausage patties. My mouth waters. That was fucking insane. Might not be the worst idea to be more intentional with what I’m putting in my mouth, though. I snort.
“What was that for?” Easton side-eyes me.
“Just thinking about what I’ve been putting in my mouth lately.”
Easton trips, and I cackle.
“Foooood, dude. Get your head out of the gutter.”
“Dude,” Easton says mockingly. “What I’ve been putting in my mouth? No one refers to eating that way.”
“Okay, fine. I was making jokes with myself in my head and wanted to bring you in on the fun. I thought you’d appreciate the phrasing.”
A smile slides across my friend’s face. “I appreciate you, you know that, Shane?” He glances at me, eyes soft. “Mysexuality hasn’t once bothered you. I like that we can throw back and forth like this, and you don’t blink twice.”
“What kind of hippie would I be if I didn’t believe all love is love?” I tease.
I kind of fell into the hippie persona. It fits in a lot of ways, but it happened purely because I rocked too-big, washed-out clothing—since all we could afford was second-hand or donations. Mix that with my beachy curls and bracelet obsession: hipster Shane Michaels was born.
Easton’s praise lights me up. I’m glad I can be a safe space for him. Easton isn’t out—the only ones who know he’s pansexual and in a relationship with a man are me and Paulie. I’ve noticed how some of the things our teammates say affect him. Affect Paulie too.
Paulie’s older brother is an out-and-proud queer man, and Nebs is hella protective of him. I’ve seen him put people in their place a few times now. It’s inspired me to be a better ally. Ally-ish. Because—ah—the confusing shit I’ve been going through lately has gotten a hell of a lot more clear.
I haven’t said anything to East or Paulie, even though they’d be perfect to talk to about it. I’ve needed time to process it. That and it kind of started because of East. I can only imagine how awkwardthatconversation would be.
Hey, East. You know when Maddy comes to visit, you guys fuck so loud that anyone within a ten-mile radius can hear you? I thought it was pretty damn hot.
At first, I thought it was just like…sex noises make anyone horny. Hearing them go at it just made me want some action of my own. But it had me doing some experiments. What better way to see if dick did it for me than watching gay porn? So, uh, yeah. Apparently, I do enjoy watching two dudes fuck. Not sure where I’m at for real-life, though. Haven’t tested those waters. But the near-fiasco at the beach was pretty fucking telling.
Maybe I should open up to East about it. “I think I might like dudes.”
Easton trips and falls this time. Probably shouldn’t have broken that news while we were running. I tend to get an idea and dive right in. My mouth always gets me in trouble. Then my smile and my baby blues get me out of it.
I backpedal to East and give him a hand to help him up. But he yanks me down next to him. My ass hits the ground hard. “Oomph.”
His chest works as he tries to catch his breath. “You couldn’t have at least waited until I was standing still?” He scrubs a hand down his face. “Not important.” His brows draw together. “You think you might like dudes? So, you’re not sure? How long has this been going on? Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for anything you need to work out.”
I shoot him my lopsided smile, trying to put him at ease. I think Easton is more nervous than I am right now. He’s the best kind of person. His nervousness just highlights how much he cares. Not something I’m used to.
“So, a couple years now.”
His eyes widen. “A couple years? Shit, Shane. Have you been doing okay with it? Do you want to talk to Maddy? My queer discovery was a little different with how attraction works for me. He’d probably have more helpful insight.”
He pulls out his phone, but I quickly put a hand on it and shake my head. Definitely can’t have him calling Maddy right now. It’ll ruin the surprise coming his way in a bit.
