“No, no. Not right now, at least. I hadn’t been planning on saying anything, but you know me.”
“Yes, you put my word-vomit to shame.”
I wink at him. “I was kind of in self-discovery mode for a while. Let’s just say I exploreda lotof porn. Turns out I don’t mind two guys together. I guess I should say, Iliketwo guys together. I wasn’t sure at first if it was just, like, all sex is hot, you know? But it became clear pretty quickly I think dicks are hot. Likehawt.But that’s about where I’m at. Haven’t actually tried any out in the wild.”
“Ah, yes. Wild dick. Quite the experience when you come across one.”
I chuckle and check my watch. I have a text notification, and I swipe over and quickly read it. Time to get back. I push to standing. “Come on. Let’s head back to our apartment. We can talk while we jog.”
We run for a bit in silence, then Easton asks, “So, what are you going to do about this revelation?”
I gnaw on my lip as I mull it over. “Honestly? I don’t know,” I finally say. “I think I’m just going to let it happen how it happens. You know I’m very go with the flow. I still want to hook up with women. This is definitely a bisexual situation. If an opportunity presents itself with a guy, I’ll take it. Or if curiosity gets the better of me, maybe I’ll try out an app or something. Right now, my focus is baseball.”
Easton throws me a grin. “Well, whatever you decide, I’m happy you’re figuring yourself out, Shane. And if you ever need to talk through it, I’m here. Maddy too. And Frankie, but uh, he’d probably offer to let you try out his dick.”
Hmm. That’s interesting.
“Ohmygod.No. Bad, Shane! Bad!”
I tip my head back and burst out laughing. Once I’ve settled down and we’re turning down the road toward ourapartment, I can finally form words. “To be completely honest, I don’t think Frankie is my type.”
Easton stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. Easton thinks Frankie is suave as fuck. But I don’t think it’s an attraction thing for him. I think it’s more an envy thing. Frankie is super smooth—boxer-and-brief-melting smooth. East is shy and nervous by nature, bumbling over his words more often than not if we’re not in a baseball setting. It’s how he got the nameCowboy. I’ll never forget the first time we met, and he greeted me with a “hey-ho howdy.” My Connecticut Cowboy.
“Frankie is an attractive man,” I agree. “And he’s a master at picking up. But, uh…”
Dark eyes and a permanent scowl flash in my mind. Frankie’s all flawless features, smooth lines and sultry smiles. Apparently, I’m more attracted to rigid, surly men. Or maybe this is another one of those situations where a therapist would say I’m a textbook display of daddy issues.I want the boys who don’t like meee.
“Frankie’s…beautiful. I think my type is maybe more rugged,” I finally say.
“Huh. I guess I can see that,” East says as we bound up the stairs. The door swings open just when we step inside the screened front porch.
A squeal that I can only describe as pure joy rips from Easton, and he throws himself at the man standing in our doorway.
My chest tightens, and I smile at the two men, well mostly at Easton, since it’s not easy to see the guy he’s currently swallowing in a hug.
“Maddy,” he breathes. His hands are locked on Maddox’s face, his gaze raking over his boyfriend like hecan’t believe the man’s real. “How—What—How? You’re here. In our apartment?”
“Surprise,” I say with a smile.
Easton glances between the two of us.
Maddy slides his hands over where Easton’s still clutching his face. “I’m here for my entire spring break. Shane set me up so I could sneak in here and get myself settled while you were out for your morning run.”
“A whole week,” Easton chokes out, resting his forehead against Maddox’s.
And fuck, now I’m getting misty eyed. Some love is that palpable. That beautiful.
That rare.
My stomach twists. I take a step back and clear my throat. “I’m going to head to the complex early today. Why don’t you…ensure Maddox is all settled, East?” I shoot him a wink, and he lets out a watery chuckle. “See you at training.”
But the door is already swinging shut, muffling their whispers and laughter.
The sound hits me square in the chest—one sharp thud. I stare at the white-paneled wood, the cool morning air prickling over my sweat-slicked skin. It’s a reminder. What’s behind that door? That warmth, that connection? That’s not for me.
I head to my car and crank the stereo. I scroll through my playlist and tap “Perfect” by Simple Plan. Because sometimes you just need some time to sit with the ache rather than pretend it isn’t there. Sit with the truth.
Some of us aren’t good enough the way we are.
