“No one likes to do the wrong thing,” I state the obvious.
Charlotte nods. “True. Well, in general. But, do you know what normal people do when they don’t achieve their goals?”
I’m not sure I’m following. “They try again. I have failed before, Charlotte. Lots of times.”
“Ah, yes. You and all the other female head coaches—oh wait.”
I roll my eyes. “So I have daddy issues because I’m successful?”
Tilting her head slightly as if considering it, Charlotte says, “Nooo… But also, maybe? Do you think your dad would still love you if you weren’t the head coach?”
“Are you serious right now? He didn’t even think I should get the job. Hell, he told themnotto hire me. He would probably love me more if I wasn’t the head coach.”
That settled, I dig back into my food.
After a moment, Charlotte asks, “You know how fucked up that sentence was, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You just said your dad actively tried to keep you from getting the promotion you wanted. Shit. Definitely daddy issues, but maybe I was projecting my issues onto you. Yours are awholedifferent variety.”
Don’t love that evaluation of my life or my relationship with my one remaining family member.
“Love and support aren’t conditional, Finley,” Charlotte continues, and my chest tightens slightly. That’s not my experience. “It’s shitty that your dad would try to make it so you don’t get a role you want. It’s shitty that he calls you every week and spends hours telling you all the things you didn’t do right in the last week—”
“That’s not what he does!” I cut in, regretting the day she happened to walk into my office when my dad was on speakerphone. “We just review things. He knows what he’s talking about, and he wants to make me better.”
“Maybe,” Charlotte concedes, “but that’s a super fucking unhealthy way to go about it.”
“Okay, well, we’ve veered way off course here,” I say, trying to pull us back on topic. My relationship with my dad is fine. Normal. He shouldn’t be proud of me when I make mistakes—I know I’m not. “Fortunately, I will have lots of time to seek professional help once I’ve been fired.”
Charlotte rubs her temples with her left hand. “I’m going to need you to walk me through it like I’m five, because I still don’t understand why you can’t just do nothing and hope for the best.Or, if you can’t do that, just send the damn resignation email you’ve already written.”
As if it’s that simple.
But I do want her opinion, so I start with the easier answer. “I can’t resign because it would be quitting. And people need to see that I didn’t give up. People are counting on me, and I’m not going to walk away just to save face. I have to at least try to keep my job.” It’s the conclusion I came to after talking to both Larsen and Lilly today. Once I made it, it was like the weight I’ve been carrying around got lighter. It felt right. Resigning isn’t holding myself accountable. Reporting myself is.
Charlotte leans back in her chair. “Okay. I understand that. But doesn’t telling your GM that you slept with your player and getting fired for it have the same outcome as resigning?”
I chew on my lip. “Same outcome, maybe, but different optics. The team and the league will protect themselves. And it is possible—though not likely—that theywon’tfire me. We do have the whole IR-thing going for us. So, that slightly increases my chances of keeping my job, and it changes the narrative just slightly.”
“But I still don’t get why you can’t do nothing. It’s a viable option. No one knows. You’re not at risk of being caught.”
“Because itdidhappen. There are protocols in place, and I need to follow them. If I don’t hold myself to the standard, how could I ever hold anyone else to one? And…” I chew on my bottom lip as I decide how to say the real reason I can’t just resign and walk away from everyone who’s counting on me.
“And you still want Kane,” Charlotte adds unhelpfully.
“No. I don’t think that’s it,” I answer. “I mean, my feelings for him haven’t gone away in a few weeks. I still l—like him.” I shift mid-word, catching myself before that feeling that’s been lingering in my chest escapes. “But this is about me.Idid something wrong, and I can’t just let it go. If a slap shot is off, itdoesn’t just miss the net—it creates a rebound, a turnover, a goal against you. Acting like you didn’t miss is how one mistake turns into five.”
“You know I hate sports analogies,” Charlotte reminds me, rubbing her temples again. “But I understand what you’re saying. It’s about owning your mistakes.”
“I can’t coach a culture of accountability if I’m not willing to live it myself when things get hard. Accountability only makes you better if you embrace itwhenthings get hard.”
Charlotte’s gaze is locked on mine as she asks, “So you’re going to do it? You’re going to report yourself?”
I nod, cringing inwardly at the conversation I’m going to have with White tomorrow. “Yep. Tomorrow. Mondays are for hard conversations, after all. But I need to make sure it won’t impact Beckett. I’m certainly the one in the wrong here since I’m in a position of power, so I should be able to limit his exposure, but there is a small possibility that they’ll decide to keep me and trade him again.”
“And we don’t want that?” Charlotte asks.
