“I don’t know. With me being sick, there’s so much that could go wrong. I think it might just be easier to stop wanting things, you know?”
I squat down to her level, thinking of the conversation I just had with Larsen. “There’s always something that can go wrong. Just look at our game against the Bears. One bad bounce andit’s all over. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try… Though definitely talk to your mom and your doctor first.”
I hope I didn’t just saddle her mom with a big hockey expense and mentally make a note to send them some information about organizations in Denver that teach kids hockey for free.
“Mom gets bummed out when I’m too sick to do the things I want to do, though. I wouldn’t want to make her sad just so I could do what I want.”
This girl sure knows how to tug at the old heartstrings.
“It’s not your job to protect your mom, though. I bet she’d be excited to see you out there, trying something new.”
“Even if I fail?” she asks, and my heart clenches.
“Especiallyif you fail. That’s how you get better.”
“Have you failed before?” she asks softly.
I nod. “I have.” It’s an honest answer.
“Did you get better?”
No. I didn’t. I’m getting out. I’m… quitting.
“Lilly, it’s time to go, sweetheart,” Lilly’s mom announces as she steps around my desk to stand next to her daughter. “Say thank you to Coach Blake.”
Lilly smiles up at me. “Thanks, Coach Blake. I hope you figure out what you’re supposed to from your failure.”
I force my face into a matching smile and say goodbye through the confusion burrowing its way into my gut, tugging at my mind to reconsider something that I’ve already decided on.
But I can’t help the thought from crossing my mind: What if leaving isn’t the right thing to do?
Chapter 41
Finley
“Okay,buthere’sacrazy idea,” Charlotte says around a big bite of her chicken tacos. “What if you don’t fuck yourself over and just promise not to sleep with any more of your players?”
I shake my head; glad I picked up tacos and came over to her place rather than meeting out at the restaurant like we’d originally planned. Charlotte is not quiet when she has an opinion on something.
“I’m not worried about sleeping with any more of my players!” I sputter.
Charlotte’s eyes glitter with amusement. “So you’re worried about sleeping with Kane again?”
While I amveryworried about making sure my decisions don’t negatively impact Beckett, I’m not interested in exploring that line of questioning… well, ever. Instead, I tell her, “It’s not about the future. It’s about taking accountability for my actions. It’s about accepting I did something wrong and taking the actions to make it right.”
“Or, you don’t do it again, and no one will be any wiser,” Charlotte retorts, frustration lacing her tone. “Just let it go and move on.”
“You know that’s not an option for me.”
She shakes her head. “No. I know for a fact itisan option for you. You just have daddy issues, and so you’re choosing to overlook it.”
I almost choke on my bite of beef and cheese. “Excuse me? How does that have anything to do with anything? And, also,Ihave daddy issues?”
Charlotte lifts one slender shoulder. “Oh, I’m aware I have daddy issues. You don’t grow up with Steve Langford and come out unscathed. The limit does not exist for the amount of therapy I need. But it makes me uniquely positioned to spot others like me.”
The smell of steak and fresh tortilla lingers as I hold my taco suspended in the air. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes widen slightly as her mouth hangs open, showing me her half-chewed meal. “Oh shit. You think you don’t have...” She chews thoughtfully for a moment. “I’m obviously not a therapist, so take this with a grain of salt, but have you ever considered that you hold yourself to unrealistic standards?”
