“Is it yours?” he blurts.
Anger flows through my body as his attitude begins to really piss me off. I stand up, pointing a finger at him. “I swear to fucking Christ, Noah, I will beat you where you fucking sit if you say shit to me like that again.”
“Theo,” James says gently. “He’s just asking a question. Calm down.”
Knowing he’s right, I take a moment before blowing out a breath and nodding. Throwing myself back down in my chair, I say, “Sorry, it's been one hell of a day. But yeah, the kid’s mine. I met him. Looks exactly like me. He’s even obsessed with Transformers like me. Hedidn’t get my love of Bumblebee though… he’s a fucking Optimus Prime lover… can you imagine?” I’m rambling; I know it, and they know it, but I can’t stop. I’m going to start giggling hysterically in a minute, I can feel it.
“How old is he?” Caleb asks
“Ten next month,” I reply, trying to calm myself the fuck down.
“What are you gonna do?”
“I want a relationship with my kid. Blake’s done a good job of raising him, but…”
“But…?” Caleb says, waving his hand around, clearly wanting me to get to the point.
“What if I’m not good enough for him?” I whisper. “What if he hates me? What if I fuck him up like I was fucked up?” Anxiety courses through me, and my breathing starts to become erratic. I jump out of my chair, exclaiming, “Oh fuck, I’m a dad, and I’m going to fuck it all up.” I’m panting while simultaneously wringing my hands at my side.
James automatically leaps out of his seat and rushes toward me. Taking my face in his hands, he forces me to look at him. “Listen to me, Theo.”
I can’t. I’m too restless. Too anxious. Too fucking everything to listen to what he has to say, because what if he tells me he agrees with me? That I’m a waste of space and my son will eventually come to hate me? I can’t hear him say those words.
He grabs my face harder, pinching my cheeks together so my lips are pursed. He leans in close, and for a second, I wonder if he’s going to kiss me to shut me up… why am I kinda into that idea? Anyway… he doesn’t kiss me, but his words do stop me.
“You aren’t going to fuck him up, dickhead. And you know why?” I can’t do anything other than shake my head. “Because you are the most annoyingly amazing person I have ever met. You are going to breakthe cycle of abuse and become a better person and father because of it. And any time you think you’re going to fail, we’re going to be here, picking you up and reminding you that you aren’t your parents.”
Ah, fuck… I’m gonna cry. Yup. Here it comes—the tears. I thought I was done with this shit.
Caleb wraps his arms around me in a bear hug while James still has my face in his hands. “You’re gonna smash this, bro. We’ve got you,” he says happily, emotion clogging his words. “Holy shit. I’m an uncle,” he adds, gripping me tighter.
My heart swells. We’re pretty fucking sappy for a bunch of dudes, but after everything we’ve all faced and suffered, we deserve this. We deserve a loving family, even if it wasn’t the one we were born into.
Noah, who’s sitting quietly as usual, finally stands up and walks over. I glance at him out of my peripheral and see his eyes shining with tears. That sends me over the edge, and a sob breaks free. The guilt for how I spoke to him earlier gnaws at me. James lets go, and Noah pushes his way through, enveloping me in a man hug.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, man,” he whispers in a voice low enough for only me to hear. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough, because you are. You’re our family. We’d die for you just like you would for us. This shit about me hating you has to stop though. I love you. You’re all priceless.” He squeezes me tighter before adding, “But if you ever tell them that, I’m gonna have to kill you.”
I bark out a laugh through the tears as I grip his shirt tightly, knowing this is just the beginning for all of us. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Blake, but what I do know is that with these guys by my side, I can conquer just about any-fucking-thing.
Chapter Thirty
BLAKE
Amigraine the size of the sun reverberates through my head as I walk through the door to my small apartment. Mrs. Mitchell sits in her usual place while Oscar is splayed out on the floor, an Optimus Prime figurine in one hand and a Bumblebee figurine in the other. I smile for the first time tonight as I watch him, his attention glued to an episode of Transformers on the TV. Since meeting Theo, it's all he’s watched, going from an avid Marvel fan to non-stop alien cars.
“Mom,” he exclaims when he sees me, then jumps and races over.
I drop my bag on the floor and kneel to embrace him. After everything from the last few hours, I hold him just that little bit tighter, knowing our lives are about to change dramatically. I’m just not sure whether it's for the better.
Drawing back, I cup his cheeks, taking him in. He’s so much like his father that it takes my breath away for a moment, not only in looks but in personality as well. If it weren’t for the fact that I carried him fornine months and then pushed him out, I’d wonder if he was actually my child.
“Did you guys have a good time?” I ask, standing up and shrugging my jacket off.
“We did. Mrs. Mitchell let me stay up to finish this episode,” he gushes , bouncing around on the balls of his feet. “Wait, I thought you had to work late?” he says, his face pinching in confusion.
“I did, but we managed to finish earlier than I thought, so I came right home.”
Mrs. Mitchell stands up and tucks her knitting into her bag. “He’s been an absolute pleasure as always,” she says, placing a hand on my arm. Then she stops and takes a closer look at me. “Are you alright? You’ve been crying.”
