“Yes, Doc,” I said, bringing my fingers to my temple in a mock salute.
“I saw your mom and filled her in. She said she’d call me later to check on you, but she wanted you to rest now.”
“My poor mother.” I draped my hand over my eyes. “Gary and I never give her a break.”
Lee’s shoulders shook with a chuckle.
“I’ll go make sure Bennie doesn’t bring the entire shelf. Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m good,” I told him. “Thank you. For everything today. Sorry for all the drama.”
He didn’t laugh with me. He nodded as his gaze dropped to the carpet.
“Only thing that matters is that you’re okay. Or you will be if you do what I say.” I smiled at the arch in his brow. “Rest, and I’ll be right back.”
I let my gaze linger on Lee as the door shut behind him.
I hoped I was exhausted enough to sleep with Lee in the room. At least my head injury was a little insurance that nothing would happen between us, although it hadn’t stopped us in his office after I’d first been hit.
My gaze traveled around the room, taking in all the little things Lee had set up for me when I’d moved in. He was extra considerate always, but maybe I’d been overlooking important clues and details because I’d trained myself not to see them. Because it had been ridiculous to think that anyone could love me like that, to need me in their lives so much that losing me would be too much to bear.
My mother and brother loved me like that, and my father had, too. Was it so hard to accept that maybe someone else could? Someone I’d prayed so many times to love me back like I’d loved him.
Bailee had told me to think of this as a possible wonderful ending, but it was hard when I’d forced myself to see Lee as a loss, even though he’d never belonged to me.
Thinking I could have exactly what I’d always wanted was an unexpected kind of terrifying.
TWENTY-THREE
LEE
I settled into the chair next to Stella’s bed after she’d drifted off, but I didn’t plan on getting any sleep.
Even though Stella was okay, I was too wired to rest. Every time I attempted to shut my eyes, the moment I’d almost said fuck it to everything when I’d had her in my arms replayed over and over again.. All that relief had rushed through me enough to let my guard down, even though I had no resistance left in me.
Losing Katie had broken me in so many ways. I’d lost the woman I loved, and even though I’d known she’d been sicker than she’d admitted to, I’d never thought the morning I’d told her goodbye before I’d headed to the airport had really been goodbye between us.
I loved my daughter and worried about her all the time, but that was part of being a parent. Actually having a person, a partner, more than just someone to have fun with for a night or two, that was totally different. I didn’t have it in me.
Or I’d thought I didn’t. When I’d told Stella that I couldn’t go through this again, she’d probably figured I wasjust talking about losing someone else I cared about, but my lips on hers would have clarified my confession.
That I couldn’t lose her because I loved her.
Letting go of the denial was at least less taxing, but now, I had a different problem. I needed to explain how I’d acted today, but I couldn’t figure out where to begin.
“That chair can’t be comfortable.”
I whipped my head to Stella’s gravelly whisper.
“It’s fine. I’m off for a couple of days, so don’t worry about me.”
“You need sleep to keep up with the little lady next door,” she said, chuckling into the pillow as she rolled onto her side. “Trust me, I know.”
“I’ll manage. Just sleep, Stell.”
The glow from the hallway night-light peeked through the crack in the door. I could make out Stella’s soft smile and her dark hair spilling across the pillow in tangled waves. Even now, injured and groggy, she was beautiful enough to take my damn breath away.
“Come,” she said, patting the mattress next to her. “If you insist on watching me sleep, there’s no need to give yourself a neck cramp over it. Unless you can give yourself an adjustment. That would be weird.”
