“I probably could,” I said, exhaling a chuckle. “I don’t want to crowd you.”
“You won’t crowd me. It’s a big bed. Either lie down or get out. Your choice.”
She narrowed her sleepy eyes at me.
“Fine,” I said, standing from the chair. “I’ll sleep over the covers.”
I climbed on, the mattress creaking under me as I settled next to her as close to the edge as I could without falling off.
“Satisfied?” I narrowed my eyes at her before adjustingthe pillow at my neck. This was a lot better than the chair and nice. Nice, natural, and dangerous.
“Can I ask you something?” Stella tucked her hands under her cheek. “Something that’s been bothering me about today?”
“Of course,” I said, bracing for what, of everything that had happened at the game, bothered her the most. I feared that I’d come on too strong in my office, but I’d felt her right there with me.
“Why did you…react like that when I was hit? I don’t remember much after I fell because it all happened so fast, but Bailee said you rushed across the field and jumped over the railing.”
“Well, I was worried about you,” I tried to explain.
“I know. And I know that’s how you are. But your mind went to the absolute worst possibility really fast. Is it because of Katie?”
“Some,” I allowed, sucking in a breath. “There was a game in Cincinnati a few years ago. A fan sitting on the first base side, like you were, was hit with a foul ball. By the time security got to them to take them to a hospital, they were…gone.”
“Oh my God.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “I didn’t think that could happen from a foul ball.”
“Neither did I at the time, but it does. Usually when a fan is hit by a ball, it’s a bump or a bruise, nothing to really worry about other than them suing the team later on.” I rubbed at my eyelids. “The ball hit that fan hard enough and in just the right spot, there wasn’t anything anyone could do.” I took slow breaths to get rid of the growing lump in the back of my throat. “I couldn’t lose you like that.”
I turned to her watery gaze. I couldn’t lose her at all, even if she wasn’t really mine.
“Lee…I’m so sorry,” she whispered, propping herself up on her elbow. “I had no idea.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Stell,” I said, shifting on my side. “I think the two idiots knocking you over was the bigger blow.” I sifted my hand through her hair, swirling my fingertips over the bump on the side of her head. “The swelling went down. How does it feel?”
She let go of a low moan, her eyes fluttering as she leaned into my palm. So much for keeping to my side of the bed, but I couldn’t help myself.
After everything that had happened today, what I’d thought I’d lost and grown so fucking tired of denying, I was done holding back.
“A lot better. Just a little sore,” she said, pressing on her temple. “I have a little knot here, but I’ve done a lot worse.”
I drew her closer, my hand still in her hair while I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I can’t see where it is exactly, but is that better?”
“You were close,” she said, sputtering out a laugh. “But yeah, that’s better.” She closed another inch between us, drifting her hand down my cheek. “Embracing the full beard?” She smiled, scratching her nails across the bristles covering my chin.
“It’s easier to travel with a small electric shaver than a razor.” I lifted a shoulder. “And I guess I’m a little lazy. Why? You don’t like it?”
“I love it,” she said, her voice a breathy whisper and only beckoning me closer. “I mean, it’s okay.”
“It’s just okay?” I chuckled, leaning in to graze my cheek against hers.
Another moan fell from her lips as she leaned into me.
“Just okay,” she repeated.
The worst part of losing Katie had been the bone-crushing loneliness, but I’d embraced it because it seemed too ridiculous to ever want anyone else. I’d always love and miss Katie, but I wasn’t so okay with being alone anymore.
And if I didn’t have to be—if I could have the woman I loved, and she was right here—why was I fighting it? All the excuses I’d used didn’t matter anymore, or I didn’t care. Yes, I was risking a years-long friendship I’d depended on since I was a teenager, but Stella had stopped being only a friend a long time ago.
