“A baseball game. I don’t have tickets, but I’m hoping since it’s a midweek day game, I’ll be able to get something cheap from the box office.”
“Let me guess. The Brooklyn Bats are playing today. I’m guessing you’re not traveling all the way to Queens or the Bronx for the other teams since you don’tknowanyone on staff.”
I glared at my phone.
“Yes. I thought I’d surprise Lee. He doesn’t even know I’m back in Brooklyn, and to your point, I’m going a little stir-crazy around here. The bruises have faded enough that I can go out, I think.”
I frowned at my reflection, that tiny patch of purple under my right eye still evident, no matter what shade of concealer I used to try to hide it.
“The bruises are gone—you’re the only one who can still see them. I told you that. But are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Going to see Lee? He’s my oldest friend, other than you. Shouldn’t I be getting out like you said? Not staying in my mother’s apartment and wallowing, as you put it.”
“I’m all for you getting out, just…” Bailee trailed off.
“Just what?” I sat on the edge of the bathtub, careful not to bang my elbow on the metal safety railing.
“Just…maybe, in the headspace you’re in, it’s not the best idea to go see the guy you used to be in love with.”
“That was a long time ago.”
I’d known Lee since I was sixteen. We’d met at a grief counseling support group for teens who had lost their parents, six months after we’d lost our father. My mother had heard about it in her own spouse support group and had pushed my brother Gary and me to go.
We’d resisted, barely able to speak about Dad to each other, let alone with strangers. Mom had told us about the new friends she’d made, ones who understood the hell she’d been thrown into and could relate beyond empty platitudes of condolence.
For her, we’d agreed to go once. Lee had been the only one in the group close to our age—seventeen like Gary had been at the time—and despite my reluctance to be there, I’d noticed him right away. The three of us had been grouped together for an activity, and we’d hit it off, laughing for the first time in what had felt like forever.
After a couple of sessions, we’d cut the group to hang out at Lee’s house instead.
He’d been over six feet tall even then. I’d been sucked in by his bottomless blue eyes, sweet smile, and dopey jokes that would always crack us up. The three of us had been inseparable that entire year, and we’d all maintained a bond that I hadn’t had with other friends who’d faded in and out of my life.
My bond with Lee went beyond simply friends, but it had been one-sided, orunrequited,as the romance books said. Lee had been my joy and heartbreak, my heaven andhell, and the rest of all those wonderful and terrible things that first love did to you.
But first love wasn’t supposed to last, especially when it wasn’t returned. Lee loved me like he loved my brother, and it had taken me a long time to accept that it would never be more than that.
Even if the butterflies circling my stomach made me a little queasy in anticipation of seeing Lee after so long.
“Listen,” Bailee finally said after a lengthy silence. “Go. Have a good time. And see if Lee can get me Nate Becker’s autograph. Or Silas Jones’s.”
“I’ll see what I can do. And trust me, I’m fine.”
“I know you are, babe. Just…be careful.”
Bailee’s pause didn’t help my already-frayed nerves. After we hung up, I eyeballed myself one last time in the mirror. I wore jeans, sneakers, and a snug long-sleeved T-shirt. My makeup was enough to cover what it needed to, but subtle, perfect for an afternoon baseball game.
Since I’d come back to Brooklyn and landed on my mother’s doorstep with nowhere else to go, I’d been in a weird limbo. I’d always worked freelance as a management consultant, contracting with companies for a few weeks or a few months, depending on what they needed.
Despite not having a traditional permanent position, I’d never truly had what I’d call downtime. I’d forced some on myself now, clearing my calendar for the foreseeable future to shake off the way my life had upended when I hadn’t been paying attention.
Coming back to New York was my way of starting over. I hoped that being back with family and old friends would be just what I needed to figure it all out.
And that was what Lee was. An old friend.Whatever else I’d fantasized him to be had only existed in my imagination.
“Oh, you look nice,” Mom said when I breezed past her to pick up my purse.
“Well, I’m out of sweats.” I flicked my gaze down my body. “I guess that’s an improvement.”
“Tell Lee I said hi. How old is his daughter now?”
