That was years ago. You want me to remember that? I barely remember breakfast today.
Gary was staying at a hotel with Libby and Braden while the army prepared his house. I wasn’t used to him responding to a message in real time now that we were in the same time zone.
Stella
I think you may know. Did you tell her not to come so you could stay with me the whole night?
Gary
Possibly.
Gary
You insisted on going, and I didn’t want you to be alone. I was worried.
Gary
So I was being a stupid brother like Mom always tells me not to be.
Stella
You’re the greatest brother, and I love you.
Gary
I love you too, sis. Glad you’re not mad this time :)
Gary
Why are you thinking about this now?
“You looked so pretty,” Bennie said, twirling her finger around a lock of my hair. “Your hair had so many curls. Can you put curls in mine?”
“Sure,” I said as the camera zoomed in on Lee. His hair was much shorter, almost a buzz cut, and his beard was onlya shadow of stubble back then. He was so fucking handsome that day, even more so now that I allowed myself to look at him for more than five minutes, since I couldn’t handle longer than that on the actual day.
I hadn’t watched his wedding toast. Gary had found me outside, watching the twinkling lights of the Brooklyn Bridge in the distance as I’d cried into the package of tissues I’d brought. A little crying at a wedding was acceptable, but full-on sobbing would have seemed too out of place.
I was tempted to get up, pretend to go to the bathroom or have to get something, but Bennie would have followed me and paused the video, so I stayed and watched, sucking in my stomach as if I were prepping to take a punch.
Katie was sitting next to him, her dark hair up, while curls billowed over her face. Her veil swayed as she laughed at whatever Lee had said.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming today,” Lee said, his voice booming while he held the mic close. “I finally got Katie to marry me.”
Loud laughter flitted through the crowd along with some applause as the camera panned the guests for a quick moment.
“I’m glad you all were here to watch me marry the one and only love of my life.”
I jerked back against the pillows as if I’d been shot.
The one and only love of my life.
I tried to lean into the rational part of my brain. Panicking was silly. Yes, he loved Katie and had closed himself off for years after he’d lost her. But things could change. Feelings could change and grow. Feelings for old friends who played house with you.
Two hours ago, I had been living my best life. A nasty voice in my head had taunted me the minute I’d seen Katieon-screen that I was living someone else’s life. I’d slid into a role complete with a husband and a kid, and we’d all played our parts, even if we hadn’t realized it.
Bennie’s perception of a mother had been whatever lore she’d heard about what a mother should be and stories about her own. Her affection for me was genuine because there was no role to fill for her.
Lee loved me. I never doubted that. Butinlove with me, after how I’d seen him look at Katie…I couldn’t be sure now.
