And after having five years to figure it out, it was about time I did.
FOUR
STELLA
“So, what’s good here?” I asked as we settled at our table. We’d managed to grab the last one not taken by Bats fans looking for a quick bite after the game.
It reminded me of all the hole-in-the-wall restaurants in our old neighborhood. Italian and Chinese food weren’t the same anywhere else, but I never knew if it was because of the quality of the food or due to not having any emotional attachments to where I’d gotten it from.
It was nice to be home, if strange, because I hadn’t stayed in Brooklyn this long since I’d lived here. Holidays and random weekends I could spare to see my mother had been it. I’d never hated it here, but staying too long had always made me antsy.
I could never pinpoint the reason why. Maybe it was because I still saw my father everywhere, especially in a restaurant like this. Local, homey, familiar, even though it was the first time I’d been here. I’d lived more years without him than with him, but the loss still ached. Gary had never said why he’d run to enlist in the military after he’d finished school, but I’d suspected he’d feltthe same way.
I had to face whatever demons were keeping me away now since I had nowhere else to go and no plan for how to get there.
“Anything. I hear the lasagna is good, but I can’t get that out,” Lee said, cracking a grin as he lifted his water glass to his lips.
“Your mom spoiled all of us,” I said, smiling across the table at Lee. He smiled back, but it faded fast.
Dark rings circled his crystal-blue eyes, and his shoulders were tight as he leaned back.
“Chicken parm is usually a good bet, right? And a nice big glass of wine since I have a ride home.” I closed the menu and set it on the red-checkered tablecloth. “So what’s got you so twisted? You said you needed a friend and you’re fucking everything up, which I can’t really see you doing. And you kinda look like shit.”
“Is this you sweet-talking me so I’ll open up?” he asked, arching a brow.
“Sure, we could call it that. So, talk to me.” I tapped my finger on the table.
He ran his hand over the back of his head. Lee had always kept his hair short, but it was long enough now to stick up after he threaded his fingers through it. It was black and thick, aside from the glimpse of gray I’d noticed earlier. It looked soft too.
Not that I wanted to touch it or anything.
“My sister is moving. Tom got a huge job offer in Chicago, one he couldn’t pass up.”
“Oh, that’s great. But…are they taking Bennie with them?”
My chest pinched. Lee had been so happy to work for a New York-based team so he could see his daughter more. Maybe this was what seemed to be killing him.
“No. She’s staying with me. My mother is moving too, but not with them. She’s actually moving in to your mother’s place. Some of Mom’s friends are there and love it, and she really shouldn’t stay alone in the house without someone there. Well, someone other than her granddaughter.”
“It’s a great place. Your mom could join us for bingo.” I raised my glass. “I’d love to see her.”
Lee’s mouth curved, but the smile never made it to his eyes.
“She’d love to see you too,” he said, dropping his gaze to the table.
“Wait, so if they’re moving and not taking Bennie?—”
“I have to figure out who will take care of her within the next three weeks or I’ll have to quit my job, which I should have done already. We’ll stay in the house since it’s paid for and she loves her school. I can’t uproot my daughter because her father is a fuckup.”
“You’re not a fuckup,” I said, scooting closer to the table. “Stop saying that.”
“I’ve had enough time to figure out how to do this alone. I should have stepped up back then. Or at least not relied on my family for so long.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Katie would be so pissed at me.”
The pain in his features when he clenched his eyes shut gutted me, but there was nothing I could do but watch, just like when she’d passed away.
They were always the perfect couple, so in love I had barely made it through their wedding. The man I’d loved so fiercely at the time had belonged to someone else and still did—whether she was in this world or not.
“No, she wouldn’t. You’re an amazing father, and youheld it together the best way you could. What’s wrong with accepting help?”
