“Mom, can I ask you something?” I moved toward the bed to sit down. My stomach was iffy and my head was spinning. I should probably start carrying pouches of honey around with me for when my nausea subsided and my hunger returned.
“Anything, dear.”
“Why did you have me?”
She glanced over at me, looking perplexed. “Why wouldn’t I? Fae children are a rare blessing.”
“Well, it’s pretty obvious you didn’t want me.”
She made a sour face. “Of course, I wanted you. Your father and I both. My, you’re in a strange mood today.”
Strange because I’d never questioned her so directly before, but I had nothing left to lose, did I? “But you never really took care of me, unless you were sober and that never lasted for very long.”
She sighed and dragged one hand through her long silver hair. “We’re sick people, Skylar. Medicine helps us function.You shouldn’t hold that against us, and besides you turned out well enough, so we must have done something right. Tell me, is this vanadium?” She held up a silver-white chain and locket, a trinket from the elvish territories Cedrych had given to me on our first anniversary, after I’d prepared a special dinner and he’d not bothered to show up, had forgotten the significance of the day entirely. He wasn’t all that different from my parents. Paying me attention when it suited him, giving me shiny baubles to make up for some bad behavior. That I’d mistaken his gifts for love was my fault, wasn’t it?
“Yes, it’s vanadium,” I said after she’d already tucked it into her dress pocket.
“That will fetch a pretty price from the jeweler. Could be melted down to make five rings at least.”
“Do you feel bad at all about scavenging through my things?” I asked. I shouldn’t be so surprised, and yet…
She turned and smiled at me, cupping my cheek with her skeletal fingers. “Look at you, Skylar, as beautiful as the dawn. It won’t be long before you’ve caught another admirer’s attention. Maybe not a prince, but certainly a lord is not too far out of reach. And what would you do with all of these trinkets then? For surely your future beloved will not want you to wear the trappings of a former lover.”
I shook my head and wondered why I’d bothered bringing it up at all. My mother always had a reason, an excuse, or a larger plan that I was never privy to.
“You know that I used to sell myself for money, don’t you? Or food because our pantry was always empty.” As fruitless as it was, I wanted some acknowledgement of how their neglect had shaped me.
“The Larkspurs are resourceful, dear. We always find a way.”
“You don’t feel bad that I had to sell my innocence on the black market for common staples? That your own negligence prevented me from joining a guild and having choices about how I earned my coin.”
“There is no honest living to be had, Skylar. Not when coin is involved. We all must sacrifice some part of ourselves to survive.”
“And what have you had to sacrifice?” I asked, my temper flaring.
“My dignity. My mind. My beauty and my youth. I chose wrong,” she said softly, the closest she’d ever come to admitting any mistake on her part. “Poor choices are the biggest expense of all, so don’t choose wrong.”
She gave me a pointed look, one of rare clarity, then returned to sifting through my things. As I watched her, I vowed to never be in a situation where I couldn’t leave, as I’d nearly been with Cedrych, as my mother was with my father, even more so because of her addiction. That was the real tragedy here. But here I was potentially trapping Hiero into a situation he didn’t want and hadn’t asked for. Perhaps I was no different from my parents after all.
But I would be truthful. There would be no coercion or manipulation. Hiero would have a choice in the matter, and I would have to accept his decision, whatever it might be.
“I’m leaving Emrallt Valley,” I told her. “I’ve got a job as a server at a bar in the Dragonback Mountains, and I won’t be coming back, except maybe to visit on occasion.”
The faraway look in her eyes returned. “Youshouldvisit. Your father has been working on some new songs. You’ve always had such a lovely voice. Remember when you and he would perform in Templeton Square?”
She grew wistful, smiling as if it were a pleasant memory, but it only served to highlight my father’s failings. He could have made me a legitimate apprentice when I was a fledgling, but he hadn’t, and soon after he was expelled from the Music Guild anyway. They’d only valued my voice as part of their con, to act as a distraction while my mother thieved from passersby. Foolishly, I’d thought they believed I had talent.
“I’m done being a thief too,” I said.
“No need to make it sound ugly, Skylar. It’s an artform after all, just like weaving or pottery. The Larkspurs have perfected it.”
She was a first-rate thief, I’d give her that, and perhaps I had been too, once. But not anymore. Not if I could help it. There was little else to say, so I went to the bathroom and found a hairbrush that still contained a few of Cedrych’s golden hairs. I grabbed his toothbrush as well, just in case.
“Are you attached to any of these?” my mother asked, opening a small wooden chest where I’d kept my ear cuffs and other small baubles.
“No, you can have them. Will you at least buy some food with your coin?”
She approached and laid a fragile hand on my cheek. She was mere skin and bones, but her smile reminded me of when I was younger, when I thought the sun shone from her eyes, before her glamor dimmed and the truth of my situation became apparent. “The Goddess blesses those with beautiful hearts, Skylar. I wish you all the best as you seek your fortune.”
