It took me quite a while to process. It was so out of left field. Wasn’t it?
“You’re moving back to Florida?” I asked, stupidly. Of course, I’d known people to come and go, but not one of my own tribe. We were New Yorkers for life. But this wasn’t Arden’s home, had never been, really. I’d assumed that because he fit so easily into my world, that he was here to stay. And in my own self-importance, came the thought,why would anyone ever want to leave?
“After I fix her up, I’m going to sail south, to the Keys and then over to the Bahamas. Visit some old haunts. Maybe finish up my memoir.”
This was about his father. Perhaps it always had been. His albatross and unfinished business.
“What about your modeling?”
“I’m taking time off.”
“What about Matteo?” I didn’t give a shit about the man, but it was easier than asking about myself.
“He’s given me his blessing. He’s known all along that my stay here was temporary.” He looked at me then, guiltily.
“Why didn’t I know that?” I was trying very hard to keep my composure because I wanted him to open up to me. And I didn’t want this to end in a fight.
“Because I never told you,” he admitted. Well, at least we were operating within the same reality. “I wanted to, but I just… didn’t know how.”
“I didn’t realize you had a long-term plan.” One that didn’t include me. Hadneverincluded me.
“I didn’t think it would be possible. But I can’t put it off any longer. I owe it to my father. And to myself.”
I gave myself a moment to contemplate this new development. Arden didn’t rush me to speak, which I appreciated.
“Did writing your memoir cause you to realize this, or had you always known you’d go back to sailing?”
“It’s what I know best. The way you know stories. It’s where I feel at home.”
He’d told me that himself, hadn’t he? In his own circumspect way? When he’d spoken about the boat, and sailing, the places he’d visited, how he missed the ocean. All that he was willing to do in order to keep his father’s boat from falling into the hands of creditors.
This was the life he pined for, like his father. And Santiago inThe Old Man and the Sea. Christ, he’d been telling me all along. I’d never considered what a sacrifice it might be for Arden to trade open water and freedom for the materialistic rat race of the city.
This was why he always seemed to be staring at the horizon.
My mind was scrabbling for a foothold, trying to figure out a way to bridge what was swiftly becoming an ocean between us.
“I made him a promise,” Arden continued. “Franco helped me get a few things straightened out, and Matteo…” Arden shook his head. “He was very generous. I think he knew we weren’t going to last much longer.”
“And what about me?” I hoped I’d figured somehow into his plan, that I wasn’t just a lark, as Liam had so cruelly put it.
“You.” He swallowed thickly. “You were the one to make me realize that I could have more. Something real. Our time apart made me think about where I was in my life and where I wanted to be.WhoI wanted to be. I admire you, Michael. I always have.”
He was telling me, in his own Arden-way, that he loved me and that he’d missed me. It warmed my heart to hear it, but it still didn’t solve our problem. “Where does that leave us?”
“I don’t want to make any demands.”
He didn’t want to make any demands? That reluctance, to me, was ludicrous. I’d been making demands all along. I’d give him anything he wanted, something I thought I’d made clear. I gestured grandly. “Arden, that’s all I’ve ever wanted was for you to make demands. Tell me what you want, for Christ’s sake. I’m here, and I’m willing.”
I was frustrated, that much was obvious, but Arden didn’t falter. He’d prepared a speech as well.
“I’d like you to come visit me. In a couple of months when I’ve got the boat all fixed up. I’d like for you to see it. To meet her. I don’t know what your publishing schedule is going to be like, but if—”
“Yes,” I interrupted. “I will absolutely visit you in Florida, and I would love to meet your boat. Tondaleo.” I tried out the name for myself.
“Okay. That’s great. That’sfantastic.” Arden beamed, then jumped to his feet and skirted the table to throw his arms around me. I was startled momentarily as I pulled him onto my lap and hugged him close. I relished his familiar weight and warmth, the contentment in having him right there in my arms again.
Did he think he couldn’t ask for more? Was that really all he’d wanted?
